Dark Creatures

Poem about the stuggle with your inner demons, after experiencing a trauma.

There are parts of my heart I dare not go 
For fear of being pulled into the undertow

Where black is the purest of any sights
Because my psyche has blown out the lights

Where shadows don't hide from illumination
My trauma made beasts of the vilest creation

While venom slips from forked tongues thier smiles make me shiver
They speak of pain and sins, my soul begins to wither

With eyes of burning embers and teeth sharp as blades
Their roars crack like thunder and their hackels are raised

Don't get to close or they will tear you apart
Did my pain create them or where they there from the start?

Author's Note

Please let me one what you thought, critique me!

Reviews

[Thaddius]

It's a really cool atmospheric piece. I love the couplets (or whatever they are called). The rhyme occasionally feels ever so slightly forced. It's just an issue of rearranging the little, insulating words so that the rhyme seems to travel straight from the sentiment. Powerful thematically, too. Great work!

[Jessalynn]

Thank you for the review :)I'm glad you liked it

[SmittyJas]

Its Romantically dangerous to proceed with such a poem forked Tongues Teeth sharp as blades scares the hell out of me eyes with ambers burning frighting stuff. I must say will need to read more and be surprised.

[CommandoDolphin]

Line 7, you put thier instead of their.
Line 12, you wrote where instead of were.
Line 11, you wrote to instead of too.

First Stanza Comments: As humans we are very unconscious of our desires and our secret longings, we should fear the darkness of our souls. Somewhere every thought we've ever had presides as a memory, or "nightmare"

Second Stanza Comments: You have a good idea in these lines. Some memories we haven't the strength to conquer by ourselves, we have to train our minds not to think on those subjects. Or we must face the pain of our own souls staring back at us.

Third Stanza Comments: Our most horrifying experiences are the ones that don't leave us peace, they hound us until our deaths if we let them, how horrifying it is when we see them in the light of day.

Fourth Stanza Comments: As humans, the sin stain and anguish that comes with it can become humanly unbearable, our psyche is not made for the such trauma in our lives.

Fifth Stanza Comments: The monster grows quite large doesn't it? When we look at it by ourselves it always seems bigger.

Sixth Stanza Comments: I come to this review and analysis as a believer in the Lord, and this question really sticks out to me heavily because of this. I believe both are very important, but first I believe that the latter statement of the question really predates the prior one. Humans are not born with anything easy, even those we idolize must face struggles everyday, for almost every thing a human can imagine. I personally believe that the sin nature of humans is what creates our first pain to begin with, and every trauma we face in our lives. We all face trauma, this trauma begins to rip open the already cut up wounds humans have. I guess we all need a doctor, but what is important most is that we find the right one?

This poem impressed me. Introspection is a huge thing for humans. And when we look deep inside of ourselves we find a lot of things we never knew about. Well done in writing this. With a few quick edits, this poem will shine. You use very good descriptive words, and the theme you set up is a very important one to all people, my favorite verse was on line 4, that one caught me off guard and really let me imagine it all. Thank you very much for writing this.

[Jessalynn]

Thank you for this wonderful review!!! I'm ecstatic that you liked it so much. and thanks for the grammar catches. I'm a little dyslexic it's hard for me to see the mistakes sometimes then I read to edit. this was the most constructive comment I've had yet. You're awesome!

[CommandoDolphin]

:) I'm glad I could read your work, have a nice one.

[Dez H.]

Oh my God ms. lady that was a powerful poem with some strong words and beautifully laid out. I had to read it three more times because I liked it that much. I'm definitely going to read more of your works. I'm a fan now.

[Jessalynn]

Oh my gosh thank you so much!!

[Tom]

Post traumatic stress disorder can strike at anytime and takes on a multitude of various debilitating mental symptoms but one things for sure, it's a very unpleasant condition for the suffered to experience and endure!

Imaginatively penned, the dark undertones throughout add gravitas to this compelling, short poetic write!

[Jessalynn]

Thank you for your comment :) I'm so glad you liked it.