Love letter to the boy

Dear Colton,
As if I havent explained my feelings enough,
Maybe its starting to irritate you,
More than comfort you,
But honestly I have no clue..
Because you tell me nothing.
I miss you, I want to kiss you,
But I find it hard to steal even just an hour of your time,
Thats why im making this letter slash rhyme...
But i'm starting to wonder if im wasting all my talent on you..
Countless poems, songs, thoughts, creations,
Based off of YOU.
Even I'M getting sick of how i may just be obsessed with you.
So tell me, what am I to do?
My heart could wait forever for you,
And I feel yours beating,
But Im starting to feel less of your feelings,
And been wondering if you are feeling less for me,
Do you appreciate me...
Well thats a question ive been dying to know,
Even though,
I dont NEED that from you,
And I dont need you,
But I want you more than anything else,
Because the rest of my life visions
Are all already figured out,
And it makes me laugh,
Because you are THEE,
ONLY,
male entity,
That doesnt want to keep me..
So tell me what to do,
Because you know im not ever afraid to,
Keep making myself look like a fool,
Ill continue expressing my feelings,
Even when you continue to leave my sorry a*s on seen,
So now Im telling you,
That even though my heart is for you,
Time is precious,
And I just dont wanna waste any more of my time on you.

If i could imagine,
What you'd say to me,
As of right now..
And how things feel between our energy,
This is what I hear,
Without you having to say anything..
Maybe Im wrong, completely.
And if so just tell me,
And maybe this is my fears, talking back to me,
Because we got a good story to tell,
If we push through,
But your actions are what
Lead me to this conclusion......

"Dear Jessa,
I want you, and i think of you but not enough,
Im stuck.. But f**k,
If I could explain things to you,
You know I would,
But i really dont know what to do.
Let alone do I know,
What I want with you..
Or what YOU should do..
So Im sorry,
I know I havent said that yet.
But Ive been holding out,
Hoping that i'd also figure things out.
I think I'm lost like you were,
Back in May and June,
But maybe,
I just dont have the courage,
To show to you,
My vulnerable and empty heart,
The way I saw yours fall apart..
But I miss you, and I want to kiss you, too..
And like ive told you,
Sometimes I simply want to lay next to you.
But in my mind,
As of right now,
I have more important things to do,
Than to be sitting here writing this letter slash rhyme,
Back to you..

I want you to hold on,
But the fact is,
My life is just too hard for me to figure those things out.
And my life is just too complicated,
For me to even have the right to announce,
To you,
If you should hold on,
Or not,
So even though I dont want to lose you,
If you got the rest of your own  life figured out,
Maybe it'd be best for you to move on,
Instead of wondering about me,
And losing your alone time,
That you say you spend on me,
And refocus your own energy off of me.
Because you need to do whats best for you,
And where I am,
In my head,
Doesnt exactly include you.
I dont want to hurt you,
But im being the man you believe in,
So im finally expressing,
What Ive been trying to hold in..

I love you,
I want to be there for you,
But how can I be when I cant even afford
To think of anyone else other than me?
Im being honest,
And honestly thats more than I usually am,
But for you,
I want you,
To finally understand,
Youre amazing,
Just like all these boys running after you say,
But listen to me carefully,
Now is not the time for me to play
Games, with your feelings
That you kindly, and beautifully,
Always express to me.
And maybe sometimes i dont fully pay attention,
Because its a lot,
And its new,
Sometimes i dont know what the f**k to say back to you.
Thats why I leave you on seen.
Its not because i dont care,
Or im not trying to mean.
I never want you to think I could be cruel to you,
And your understanding of me most the time,
Is f*****g cool.
I do appreciate you, if you need me to say it,
Even though i know you know it,
Without the acknowledgment of it.
But you show me how youd like to be shown my love for you,
By the way you show your love for me,
Continuously, patiently, non apologetically,
And thats whats sexy.
But like I said..
My life is too much of a mess for you,
So detach from me, boo,
Its time for you,
To take your mind off me,
Go back to thoughts of only you,
Whats best for you.
And maybe someday...
When im the one with things figured out,
Ill be the one once again obsessed with you,
And maybe Ill be the one chasing you.