Twisted Seperation

4/18/16 My other half, my daughter. I love you.

I am dying. 

Slowly.

Feelings of hopelessness,

Never subside.

With as much as I have tried,

To be better for my daughter,

I feel as if all the good I do goes

Unnoticed. Unappreciated.

Not just by my parents,

Or my daughter's father-

But this sick feeling comes

With the actions my daughter makes

Towards her grandma,

Putting her above me,

Like I am not her mother.

It makes me want to puke.

I guess I still have some feelings

Of disgust and resentment

Towards my parents,

Who in my memory,

Ripped my daughter away from me.

And in the present moment,

Only pay attention to make sure

I don't make a mistake.

Not a single one!

It makes me want to puke,

Even more, when my intuition

Is telling me that my mother

Is purposely writing down every 

Wrong move I make,

As a talley board in her head,

For when the moment comes

That I do fight for Mila.

Because my inutition also indicates,

That she will never just give her up

To me again.

To me, the child that was 

Never good enough.

Never amounted to anything, and

Never is going to amount to anything, either.

On top of my suffering from my past,

That my parents both just 

WILL NOT let me leave there..

In the past.

My mom is, honestly,

Doing something much worse.

By manipulating the situation between

Me and my childs father.

She is the wicked witch - a selfish b***h.

Because, oh no,

She f*****g knows that if Mila's dad

Started trusting me again,

It would be OVER for her.

There would be no fight left,

For her to resist the fact

Mila is not meant to be with her.

There would be nothing,

At that point,

That she could say or do,

To allow me MY daughter,

To be back in MY arms,

Always.

And bottom line,

That is what is right!

So my hopeless feelings of 

Being the mother, 

The mommy of such a precious little soul.

Is yet again surfaced 

From the pain that my own mom,

Places in my heart.

F**K. HER.

For creating a false reality of my present life.

F**K. HER.

For turning my family against me.

I WILL NOT sucumb to her pathetic

Fear of losing a daughter that is not hers.

I WILL NOT sucumb to the deceitfulness

That reguardless if it is innocent to her in her mind,

Continues to replace my

Strength. Determination. Persurverance.

In the minds of others, with

Weakness. Cowardice. Doubt.

She will not bend me.

She will not break me.

She cannot ever take away

My future happiness.

And God as my witness,

My family WILL come back together,

Because honesty, integrity, and faith,

Is what I work with,

And know has my back.

Even when my own parents,

Refuse to believe in me.

I will not fail the three people,

The only people, 

That truly matter now in my life.

Myself, Mila, and her father.

I destructed my family,

But it is my soul mission to make

What I once caused to fall apart,

To now repair, and restart.

I will rise above anyone who tries to continue

To tear me down,

Or not help me build my life back up.

God WILL comdem 

The ones who forsaken me.

I am the keeper of the key to my life.

And I choose righteousness

And noone,

Absolutely noone,

Has the power above my own,

To destroy what, in my heart,

Is my destiny.

Everything will fall into place,

In Divine Right Timing.

And I will be patient,

And not let the pain,

Reveal any evil thoughts,

That I will continue to tuck away.

That is all.