Codependency

This is not really a poem. I could find no other type of writing on this site for this though. Hope you like it! (:

 

“Of or pertaining to a relationship in which one person is physically or psychologically addicted, as to alcohol or gambling, and the other person is psychologically dependent on the first in an unhealthy way.”

-Dictionary.com’s Definition

 Codependency is a very well-known and wide spread problem around the world. Although it began as a sign of addictive behavior with alcohol or drugs, it has also been found in relationships and lifestyle.  For example, a person who is codependent may experience immense anxiety when away from their partner. This is a result of a low self-esteem and a lack of self-employed motivation and ambition. When you are left in bondage to codependency, it is hard not to live your life as a prisoner. Let me explain why. When your anxiety rises and you have this feeling inside of you, this longing for freedom or something of the sort, you become encumbered to your emotions.

So, whether it is your partner or close friend or family member-in some cases it may even be an inanimate object such as a phone or other electronic device; or perhaps alcohol or drugs- you must search yourself to muster all the courage and strength in you to fight against these feelings. Many people do not even realize that they are codependent. They convince themselves that they are just caring exceedingly for another person, or they’ll say, “I always want to be with my partner because it’s no fun doing things alone…” Many other excuses are easily detectable in even the most simplistic conversations. Some symptoms that you may look for when searching for the image of codependency are as follows:

Low self-esteem

The definition of “self-esteem”, as dictionary.com defines it, is a realistic respect for or favorable impression of oneself; self-respect. Therefore, low self-esteem can be defined as feeling that you’re not good enough or comparing yourself to others, etc. Although, don’t allow a person who appears confident about themselves trick you. Most people who come across as being cocky and perhaps even proud, are often prospects of low self-esteem as well. They use their “confidence” as a means of disguising their true feelings about themselves.

Often times, these precious men and women feel unlovable or inadequate. Underneath their façade is a person who has trapped their shame in a corner of their heart, where they assume the conscience will fail to discover it. Hence forth, many will adapt to a perfectionistic lifestyle and be enslaved to the constant effort of inheriting a problem-solving perfection. Unfortunately, perfectionism does very little in solving one’s codependency. If anything, it will increase the burden and heartache of codependency.

People-pleasing 

It’s natural to want to please people and make them proud. We as humans live to be loved and accepted. One of the most effective ways of inquiring acceptance is by being kind to others as a means of making them like you. It is when you cannot resist but to please people no matter the cost. It’s when you cannot say “no” that you must conclude you are a people pleaser and that you need to work on improving this deficiency. Otherwise, you will live the rest of your life feeling heavy laden as a result of failing to please every person you come in contact with. That is not the way to live a happy, fulfilling life.

Reactivity

A codependent will most likely struggle with a lack of healthy reaction. They find themselves engrossing their time, thoughts, and emotions into the opinions and feelings of others. This causes them to become weighed down and provides an unhealthy feeling of hopelessness in the cause of solving the problem. They will also become very defensive and feel attacked each time somebody says something of constructive criticism and especially of harsh judgment.

Control

Control helps codependents feel safe and secure. Everyone needs some control over events in their life. You wouldn’t want to live in constant uncertainty and chaos, but for codependents, control limits their ability to take risks and share their feelings. Sometimes they have an addiction that either helps them loosen up, like alcoholism, or helps them hold their feelings down, like workaholic, so that they don’t feel out of control. Codependents also need to control those close to them, because they need other people to behave in a certain way to feel okay. In fact, people-pleasing and care-taking can be used to control and manipulate people. Alternatively, codependents are bossy and tell you what you should or shouldn’t do.

Dysfunctional communication

Codependents have trouble when it comes to communicating their thoughts, feelings and needs. Their thoughts begin to jumble together and suddenly, when asked to address or express their feelings, they have a tendency of closing up and being left dumbfounded. This can be a very unfortunate disadvantage. Not only will this cause someone potential depression problems, but it may also cause tension in any relationship the codependent gets involved in.

Obsessions

Codependents have a tendency to spend their time thinking about other people or relationships. This is caused by their dependency and anxieties and fears. They can also become obsessed when they think they’ve made or might make a “mistake”. This can be a major cause in more decision making or indecisiveness. Another effect of obsession is obsessing over what could be or what you would like to see happen. This causes you to fanaticize about your life or events. Therefore, it often keeps you from living your life. 

Dependency 

Codependents need other people to like them to feel okay about themselves. They’re afraid of being rejected or abandoned, even if they can function on their own. Others need always to be in a relationship, because they feel depressed or lonely when they’re by themselves for too long. This trait makes it hard for them to end a relationship, even when the relationship is painful or abusive. They end up feeling trapped.

Painful Emotions

Codependency creates stress and leads to painful emotions. Shame and low self-esteem create anxiety and fear about being judged, rejected or abandoned, etc. When these feelings begin to saturate your thoughts, you will most likely start feeling as if you were a captive to your emotions. You will feel like you are always in a dark corner with your flaws written permanently on the walls. Sealed with the heartache of mistakes that were made, you will begin to feel weary from trouble you create. And when you try to break free from the lies of the flesh, you will feel so weak from your lack of progress. You grab somebody’s hand to help you along the way. You can’t do this alone, even though that’s what you’ll say.

Reviews

[Westminster Abbey]

What a great article! Very informative! 100/100

[That1Nerd23]

Thank you so much! (:

[Adam Whitworth]

well done

[That1Nerd23]

Thank you. (:

[Jeremia]

Go further on this. "Often times, these precious men and women feel unlovable or inadequate. Underneath their façade is a person who has trapped their shame in a corner of their heart, where they assume the conscience will fail to discover it."

[Soul Fire]

Wow, I have some codependent people in my life, and I do show some signs of codependency as well as my significant other. Both him and I have abandonment and problems with being alone for long periods of time. His are more severe than mine, because he has a diagnosed condition. I,myself am very fearful of making a possible '' mistake'' that could ''end'' it all... my friendships my family and especially in my relationships. to me, my flaws are very obvious but a factor that has contributed to that and my low self esteem has been constant bullying, harassment and a variety of different kinds of abuse. As well as a physical ''deformity '' I have has contributed to my low self worth, self image and self esteem. But luckily for me, my partner/significant other is very encouraging and boosts my self esteem. We are very encouraging to each other. And yes, he may be dependent on me, and I may be dependent on him, and maybe I'm care giving him... But this is something I will have to overcome. Aswell as my abandonment issues ( became worse after my father left my mother.) I also grew up in a home with my parents being very, codependent on each other. There was alot of codependency, and I suppose I subconsciously think that's how a relationship should be like because I grew up with it. But I cannot blame them. I will spend the rest of my life becoming the best person I can be :) As any one. Anyways, thank you so much for sharing this, this really made me reflect and really think about myself, my behaviours, fears, self, ect. Very informative and thought provoking
Thanks so much!

Raya

[That1Nerd23]

This is great to hear your feedback! Thank you so much! (:

[Soul Fire]

You are welcome! :D