The Cost Of One’s Nature

A psychological poem about guilt and repercussions.

No man is sinless

But I’m a sin on my own

No man is free of mess

But my seeds have already been sown

 

Various crimes did I commit

But the biggest one is my existence

In here I’ve struggled to live and fit

But realized I’ve no importance

 

Constant thoughts trouble my mind

One after another

Answers to which I can't find

My anguish will be forever

 

Guilt now seems a part of life

Life which has sunk in apathy

But I’ll be dead so no more strife

Until I’ll be buried in agony

Author's Note

This poem is written with the presence of a deep mind. Hope its worth. And special thanks to the person who helped me with deciding the title and reviewing it before I even posted it ;)

Reviews

[T.C. Yarbrough]

I think you could dig into this deeper and bring forth more interest. I wouldn't worry about keeping it in this form, In my singular view, rhythm is far more important than rhyme, that's just me, you may feel different. Two things you may want to think about, one is details, what is the guilt, the constant thoughts, the crimes etc., the other is considering whether absolutes fit and are truthful (sometimes they do work), expressions like "anguish will be forever" and such can have the potential to close off the reader's imagination and sound generic and also I bet it is true that though the anguish may be lifelong, it is not constant, There are breaks in the clouds, however brief. Anyhow, I hope that helps in anyway. I am no different in you, just trying to inch my way forward. Peace. Thanks for sharing I enjoyed reading it.

[Annie Nicole]

This poem is truly amazingly written Jess! : ) It has a great rhythm and the words fit together so very well! Great Job!

[ExquisiteEyes]

A poem with a deep meaning. And the tone is that of guilt, inferiority and sorrow. I like the wording and the rhyme scheme with a careful selection of words.

[Chidoriflower]

Nicely written and well thought out.

[Archos]

This is something I can relate to. Luckily, I realized it was just a delusion. I like the way you put it, it's not a simple topic, but it's clear enough. I think the poem could use more subtlety, though. Suggest, rather than state things outright. In the end it's actually far more powerful. And it's a bit vague, too. Instead of speaking in general, use an example. Or do it whichever way you like, these are just suggestions. Thanks for sharing!

[Emily]

Very nice wording!
Keep it up!

[Jerryyoung1z]

The tone and mood of this poem is that of worthlessness, sorrow, and self destruction(couldn't think of something better). The second stanza did it for me, everything about the poem is clearly seen there. The rhyme is stable and the picture you've painted with words is bold and well detailed. Nice job.

[Tina Marie]

I like it. It reminds me of the song, "If I Die Young." It is very well written. It could be made into a song.

[barleygirl]

First & foremost, I love the part of your message where you've so successfully conveyed how it feels to NOT be comfortable in your own skin. It's an original idea to write about committing a sin just BEING & you've expressed it well. This is most evident in the 2nd stanza which is my favorite. I'm wondering if (stanza 3), it might be answers I CAN'T find (rather than "can")?!?!? Grinding thoughts, answers that never come, I know this feeling & stanza 3 makes it palpable. I think the last stanza seems to imply the narrator is so down, that suicide is imminent, but the last line isn't bringing me any clarity on this stanza or this poem. I appreciate the tone of acceptance regarding death/suicide.

[Jess]

thank you so much
and yess its can't actually there must be a problem in formatting thanks a bunch for telling me:)
last line is just about all the pain actually

[Bear]

I really like dark poetry, it is less fantasy based and more realistically possible and I think your poem displays real feelings many people relate to. You have a nice rhyme scheme and the continuity of detailed events fit together very well. Feelings of inferiority are common making it a great topic to write about, well done I give it 4 out of 5 Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!

[A.marie.speaks]

Very deep piece. I can definitely relate to the apathetic attitude you express here. I love the first lines. Thanks for sharing.