The Cost Of One’s Nature

A psychological poem about guilt and repercussions.

No man is sinless

But I’m a sin on my own

No man is free of mess

But my seeds have already been sown

 

Various crimes did I commit

But the biggest one is my existence

In here I’ve struggled to live and fit

But realized I’ve no importance

 

Constant thoughts trouble my mind

One after another

Answers to which I can't find

My anguish will be forever

 

Guilt now seems a part of life

Life which has sunk in apathy

But I’ll be dead so no more strife

Until I’ll be buried in agony

Author's Note

This poem is written with the presence of a deep mind. Hope its worth. And special thanks to the person who helped me with deciding the title and reviewing it before I even posted it ;)

Reviews

[T.C. Yarbrough]

I think you could dig into this deeper and bring forth more interest. I wouldn't worry about keeping it in this form, In my singular view, rhythm is far more important than rhyme, that's just me, you may feel different. Two things you may want to think about, one is details, what is the guilt, the constant thoughts, the crimes etc., the other is considering whether absolutes fit and are truthful (sometimes they do work), expressions like "anguish will be forever" and such can have the potential to close off the reader's imagination and sound generic and also I bet it is true that though the anguish may be lifelong, it is not constant, There are breaks in the clouds, however brief. Anyhow, I hope that helps in anyway. I am no different in you, just trying to inch my way forward. Peace. Thanks for sharing I enjoyed reading it.

[Country boy183798]

I came here after reading your other poem "Rising from The blue" and although that one was good and I liked it, this one is simply fantastic. It's incredibly sincere and this is one those poems that people can relate to and read over and over again. It's dark, well written, and there's a lot behind every word. It's got everything I like to see in a poem. I truly enjoyed it, thank you for sharing it.
Well done and keep on writing.

[Jess]

Thank you very much for your time and review

[Re-Pete]

This is absolutely wonderful. Don't hate yourself - you're only human. The key is to rise above it with faith, integrity, etc. Be who you are with no apologies & no regrets. The people who "truely" love you will appreciate you, shortcomings & all. You have a very deep mind indeed and you will have a hope & a future. Well done!

[Hywel Griffiths]

Very deep and expresses how you feel very well. I'm guessing you've gone through some tough stuff or if not you're able to put your mind in that place which impresses me all the more. I agree with TheMalady, only thing you have to work on is the tenses.

[Jess]

Thank you for your time and valuable words. And yea I've to improve my tenses definitely.

[lizziescott]

I like that the poem is so relatable as everyone's had a time in their lives where they feel like this. I feel it could help people through difficult times. It's comforting to know you're not really alone.

[Jess]

Thank you for your words

[Joshua Haines]

A dark poem what is a good read. I see you are vary great with words. And good at explaining the aim of the read. I have to say I enjoyed this one XD

[Jess]

Thanks friend

[Eddie Davis]

A rather dark poem, but richly expressed. You might want to look at the last line again: 'Until I'll be buried in agony'. Did you mean, 'Until I'm buried in agony' or was it a shortened version of 'Until then I'll be buried in agony'? Syllable count is always a huge challenge for poets unless you just go with open expressed form, where the rhyme is what is focused on. It was the toughest thing I had to master and it took me some time to be able to write a poem with such 'boundaries'. But poems do seem to flow smoother when there is a flowing rhythm matched with the rhyme. The problem with syllable counting is that sometimes you have an awesome stanza, but the word you chose that fits so perfectly well, breaks up the flow of the rhythm. What helped me the best was writing a series of Senryu -- which are similar to Haiku, where (in English) the syllable count is focused on instead of a rhyme. The most common format is a 5,5,7 format. Five syllables the first line, five the second and seven the third. It is handy for poets to try Senryu and Haiku formats, as it forces the brain to 'conserve' words and without worrying about rhyming, it is actually a great exercise that transfers over into 'normal' poetry. You have such a rich passion of expressive form that you might want to try a few as I'm sure you would produce some incredible examples.

[Tristesse]

Jess,

After reading your poem it's given me a bit of inspiration to pull a few strings from my hat, and begin a story I have been wanting to tell for a long time. Inspiring, the poem dances off the tongue in a beautiful ballet. I enjoyed it very much.

Best regards,
Tristesse

[mou]

It is wonderful, Jess!
Pain and only pain.True, when breakdown caused due to own conflict of mind, it gets the darkest situation.But we all have to overcome it whatever be the reason and manage the track of life.But it is hard task , no doubt is there, for sure.
Nice piece and many thanks for sharing.

[Jess]

Thank you so much.

[Coyote Poetry]

You words are true. All of us have sins to bare.
"Guilt now seems a part of life
Life which has sunk in apathy
But I’ll be dead so no more strife
Until I’ll be buried in agony"
I believe sins done and regret held. Just lessons to become wiser if we are lucky. No reason to swim in agony. What done is done. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry. Left the reader with something to think about.
Coyote

[Jess]

Thank you friend. Glad you like it

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome dear Poet.

[John Gifford]

so dark it made me feel guilty...lol Thats what the good stuff does lady