The Cost Of One’s Nature

A psychological poem about guilt and repercussions.

No man is sinless

But I’m a sin on my own

No man is free of mess

But my seeds have already been sown

 

Various crimes did I commit

But the biggest one is my existence

In here I’ve struggled to live and fit

But realized I’ve no importance

 

Constant thoughts trouble my mind

One after another

Answers to which I can't find

My anguish will be forever

 

Guilt now seems a part of life

Life which has sunk in apathy

But I’ll be dead so no more strife

Until I’ll be buried in agony

Author's Note

This poem is written with the presence of a deep mind. Hope its worth. And special thanks to the person who helped me with deciding the title and reviewing it before I even posted it ;)

Reviews

[T.C. Yarbrough]

I think you could dig into this deeper and bring forth more interest. I wouldn't worry about keeping it in this form, In my singular view, rhythm is far more important than rhyme, that's just me, you may feel different. Two things you may want to think about, one is details, what is the guilt, the constant thoughts, the crimes etc., the other is considering whether absolutes fit and are truthful (sometimes they do work), expressions like "anguish will be forever" and such can have the potential to close off the reader's imagination and sound generic and also I bet it is true that though the anguish may be lifelong, it is not constant, There are breaks in the clouds, however brief. Anyhow, I hope that helps in anyway. I am no different in you, just trying to inch my way forward. Peace. Thanks for sharing I enjoyed reading it.

[annalysiar]

I appreciate this poem. Its gripping and full of depth. Very nice work.
I also like the rhythm and flow. Your word choices here really paint your poem and give it that hollow feel. Amazingly done.

[William A. Wilson]

For the most part, I agree with T.C, however, in my opinion, while rhythm and rhyme is nice, but the part that truly sticks is that it comes from the heart. So no matter what someone says, if it comes from the heart, then it will be part of your best work. Do continue creating life within these poems as life itself, no matter what shape or form it may take, life is always worth it as everything has meaning.

[Paul Bell]

I suppose no man is free from guilt. But when the guilt starts to take over every aspect of your life, you can only sink deeper into the abyss. Even death is no release, just another agony added to the end of life.

[Christopher Miller]

This reminds me of 'The Plague' by Camus, in which a character said, "we can't stir a finger in this world without the risk of bringing death to somebody." Just by the act of living we are the plague.
I know the feeling of having no importance, and there certainly is truth to it. We're a wad of animated dirt, moving around on what amounts to less than a speck of dust in the totality of the universe. For a brief moment that, when over, may as well never have existed. Yet I've found, as I hope you will, that by touching the lives of others we can lessen that feeling of insignificance. As I see the gratitude in people's eyes that I've been gentle with, or taught, I can not feel as if none of it matters.
Life is full of those troubling thoughts, and there are no definite answers. If there were, someone in the human race would have found them by now. I don't think that means there are no answers, just that they are different for everyone. Complicating the search is the fact that we aren't the same people who we will be years from now. If the answers are different for my neighbor, it's just as likely they will be different for me in the future. So the search never ends. However, it is possible to find answers, but one needs to be flexible enough not to set them in stone. Let them evolve, or they will simply expire.
I'm not clear on what you're getting at in the last section. Guilt and apathy are not compatible; if you feel guilt then you aren't feeling nothing. And what do you see happening at death? If it is a release from strife, what agony are you anticipating?
I like your poetry, as you can see it gets me thinking.

[Daniel-Andre]

It`s written in the traditional form, I can see that. Which is my favorite form of all, very nice indeed.

Now let`s get down to business. No grammar mistakes, you`ve got the stanzas working well and I think the rhymes are very good. It helps bring more flow to the overall text, which of course is great. Easy to read and thanks to you breaking this poem up in the different stanzas, it makes it look visually appealing.

In addition, I like the feeling you managed to make me feel. Which, in my opinion, is the source of this poem`s success. An enjoyable read overall. Got nothing else to say really. :) Except for this: continue writing, always continue writing!

[Jess]

Thank you Dan!

[Nwang]

Dark and angsty, a good read but I find it a little incomplete, dunno maybe it is just me. Overall a good work and the way you thread the words its simply masterful. Hope to read more :)

[Jess]

Thank you so much for the review. Its kinda an incomplete mystery I guess. :)

[Adam Adams]

absolutely, "worth-reading" it is. after reading or so-called "watching" what you shown throu' deepen words, i must agree with you that, besides being so crowded by the world, it's sincerely written by means of "deep" mind. one of the deepest poetry it is! showing me many things in a few lyricist words. considering this one of my many fav. of yours won't be a bad-decision to me so let me love (read) it all night!

all lines're brilliantly written, perhaps, the one: "Guilt now seems a part of life" is not just written or may be, well "rune" into whiten pages but also ironically polished with the trail of your magically satirical thoughts. great work, as always, sugar.

[Jess]

Thank you so so much for such a remarkable review. Means a lot to me :)

[Ian Craven]

The poem is one sided. It gives no sense of hope. The enemy of life itself condemns you. However, the poem is creative. I can see the depth and agony of life in the poem. The poem also represents a state of complete hopelessness. It's okay to feel this way and the poem properly communicates those feelings. Yet no matter how dark the situation, hope can always be found.

[PoeticSorcery]

yeah. I feel that way about myself. like I'm my own worst enemy, and like maybe I shouldn't exist.