Her Dark State

This poem caused me to rethink. I know we can never change our fate. But at least we can try or we'll die.

She’s that girl

Who doesn’t know why she cries

Are there numerous problems

Or is it her sick conscience

She used to be the happy one

With her friends, had all the fun

But then her state deteriorated

Something in her mind spun

All the sobs became her fate

Soon she was to enter hell’s gate

Pain conquered her soul             

Devils began to howl

With that death started to chase

Everything in front of her seemed haze

But she refused to be caught

And continually fought

Because hope was what she believed in

And knew that this way she might change her fate and win

Author's Note

Please vote and review. And share your thoughts about changing your fate. you can inbox me

Reviews

[highonwords]

hi jess - whatever we go through - it is very important to have faith and hope and love - or we'll die, literally and spiritually - writing is an outlet to release angst and pent-up emotions - i hope the subject of the poem live and discover a new meaning in life

steph

[Alexander Cain]

I like it. It explains what a lot of people feel, but has a personal aspect to it also. Amazing work.

[Jess]

Thank you :)

[Sangeetha]

I can feel the desperation of the character to succeed against her threatened it was portrayed excellently I love it very much
Full ratings for me

[Jess]

Thank you love. :)

[Echoes of Eros]

How your words bring to life this warrior. She knew bliss, the happiness of life all around her. And somehow the shadows covered her. But she fights and she hopes, and she doesn't let go. We all need to learn from her, because winter will come, and we must be ready. This is amazing, Jess. xo

[Jess]

thank you so much :) :)

[barleygirl]

Your poem is a very vivid blend of harshly realistic observations & imaginary symbolic descriptions. I think this message could be describing the signs of depression or spiraling into an addiction or just the slow rot of low self-esteem. Am I imagining this, or do you sometimes have one line that's too long, unbalanced to the rest of your poetic structure? It's like you say to yourself: OK, this is the last line . . . but you still have so much to say, you go on & on . . . maybe this poem isn't ready to be finished? Just a thought! (((HUGS)))

[Jess]

Thank you for reviewing.
Umm, well you're right. I have this problem of creating a longgg line...
I will improve through practice though.
Thnks again

[Curtis.Lenker]

Good work here. I can relate. Its had to continue and go on when you are fighting what seems like a loosing battle. Hope is all we have to rely on in our struggles whether its from a darkness within or fighting something spiritually. It is not easy to go on when you feel like this. All you can do is hope for the worst but pray for the best. Good job here. Its very intense and emotional. Good job here.

[Jess]

Absolutely! I guess hope is very important. thnxx

[Philip Muls]

Is it realization of mortality that changed her state to dark? Is it a mental disease like depression ?

You describe the despair and deead very well. You can feel the pain and suffering. Could you read my story Catharsis, maybe you will relate.

[Jess]

Well, its both actually. Very thoughtful of you to analyze. thankss

[Jess]

surely i'll read it. :)

[Aly]

Very nice. I loved the way this was put together.

[Adriancito Lupus Centen..]

Fantasy is stronger than darkness, dreams and the good vibes of your white soul are a powerful weapon to fight against the evil.

[Jess]

thnxx :) :)

[An owl on the moon]

What a powerful, painful vision of a soul coming undone. I suffered in darkness for too many years, and I just want to let her know she can rise up like the sun again. As your poem shows so clearly, the world can try to steal all our joy, but we mustn't let it.

[Jess]

yes well said.
thnxx