Memories

I push through the crowd, and duck under the bright yellow caution tape

I hear a gruff voice scolding me from behind

but I only have eyes for what’s in front of me

His body is sprawled on the cement

still, too still

I scream and cry, tears pouring down my cheeks

No! This can’t happen

My once white shirt turns red with the blood of my brother

as I hold him to me,

screaming his name over and over

until I have no voice left

and it echoes in my head, forever taunting me…

The memories still sit in my mind,

memories of happiness,

of sadness,

of anger and times of need

Of problems and solutions

All of which include him

We were secret-keepers,

cover-stealers

enemies

friends

There were fights over nothing,

Conversations without end

Laughter that wouldn’t stop

no matter what we did

Smiles that lit up the world

These memories sit in my mind driving me crazy,

days later

“You have to learn to accept,”

says the woman who thinks she can help me

I’m disgusted

Did she ever lose someone?

Does she know what it’s like?

The sorrow, the pain?

“You have to learn to accept,”

she says

Maybe she did lose someone

but I doubt it

Maybe she did but she didn’t love them

Maybe she did love them

but her love was not strong enough

Are these therapy meetings supposed to help?

Are they supposed to heal the pain,

help me accept that

the best friend I had ever had

is gone forever?

Is this woman supposed to be kind and

help me through?

It isn’t working

These people think they can help

think they know for sure that they are right

These adults think they understand

think that they are always right

about everything

But they’re not.

Some things can’t be helped

Some things leave scars that will never heal

or fade away

And I know

this scar is one that will never leave me,

one that I will feel forever

I’m running fast. Into the darkness. Through the labyrinths twists and turns. I hear his breath on my neck, but I won’t dare to turn around to make sure he’s alright. Faster, faster, into the night. Faster, faster.

Into the night.

Faster...

Faster…