Intro

When you are born you start to die, it is true, but what if you knew when you would die? would you do anything different, or reckless? What if you could control when others die? Just with a snap of a finger puff there dead. You could control the world with that power . Never would you have to deal with anyone being disrespectful to you. 

Hello I'm Emma Sane, I have a gift that everyone fears, your death.

Reviews

[Eric Pudalov]

Hey Jess! I did get your read request...since you specifically asked that I ignore grammar problems, I won't critique you on that. Although if you do eventually want to publish this, those are things that you'll have to consider.

That aside, I think this is a very good premise, and a fascinating start. While I won't be nitpicky about the grammar, etc., I will say that because this seems like a novel that is intended to be suspenseful, you'll have to work on your pacing a bit.

That's where things like punctuation will eventually come in (like it or not). For example, in the first sentence (which I like), you could add to the atmosphere and tension in the way you break it up. So here is a slightly revised version; read it, and let me know how it sounds:

"[They say] when you are born you start to die. Is it true? But what if you knew when you would die? Would you do anything different...[perhaps] more reckless?

What if you [had the power to] control when others die? Just with a snap of a finger[...]puff, they're dead. You could control the world with that power[;] never would you have to deal with anyone being disrespectful to you.

Hello, I'm Emma Sane. I have a gift that everyone fears...death."

So while yes, I did make a few minor corrections, it's not necessarily about the spelling and grammar. What I was trying to do was take the same intro and just add a bit more tension to the atmosphere. And also, I would love to see more of this, if you've written more.

I definitely like what you have so far, and look forward to reading the next chapter. Thanks for sharing!

[Jess]

Thank you for looking at my work i really appreciate it. I do understand what you are talking about with building tension, I will put that in my next chapter. I am still working on the chapter though, I want it to be perfect if you know what i mean. Thanks again.