The Note: Part two

A Story by Jess Holden

Bright lights, then darkness, bright lights, then darkness again. What the hell is going on? I thought, trying to find my body but having no luck. It was like I was a floating head, without hands or feet, even without a torso.

Voices, I hear voices, I think, trying to understand the distant voices. The voices barley go over a whisper, but it sounds like they keep swearing.

"Oh God, what a mess," I hear one say, it sounds like a guy's voice.

"Another one, we just got 3 last week," I hear a female voice say.

"Hey! What's going on?!" I scream out, wondering if they can hear me. The voices stop for a moment, followed by a rush of voices all blended together.

"Hurry now, we're losing her," the male voice said again, louder this time. I felt a piercing pain shoot through my head, a small scream echoing from my mouth.

"1...2...3, clear!" The female voice said again, a shock shaking through my non existant body. I screamed out again in pain, biting my bottom lip and crying.

My tears felt so familiar, so calming; it was like a fresh rain on a hot humid day: relaxing.

"Please stop!" I screamed out, begining to feel my arms and legs again. My arms burned with every movement, and my legs were cold as ice and still. My screams felt muted, like someone had an invisible cloth over my mouth, making me silent to the voices.

I took in a deep breath and screamed as loud and as hard as I could, the feeling of the cloth slowly dissappearing, the noise of the voices getting louder and louder.

"She's back," the female voice said, now louder than before and closer, the feelings in my body having completally came back.

Everything was cold except my arms, which burned like fire with even the smallest movement.

"Michelle Oxmon? Can you hear me Michelle?" The male voice asked, his face not within my sight, but I knew he was close. The world was a blur, a big white blur, with small specs of different colours that weren't too far off from white.

"Y-yes," I managed to squeek out, my throat soar from screaming as loud as I did.

"We're going to give you something for the pain," his blur of a face came into view, "and when you wake up, you'll be okay."

His voice was so soft, I almost asked him to speak up so I could hear him over the constant beep of machines around me, but I couldn't find any energy.

No, please, I thought, please just put me out of this pain.

"Can you nod your head so I know you understand?" He had glasses on, with beautiful blue eyes hidden behind the glare from the lights, and a head of thick, curly black hair.

I nodded, my neck burning as I moved, and tried speaking.

"P-p-please," I studdered, "j-just, e-end i-i-it."

He starred at me for a moment before he moved from sight, and I fell unconsious, the burning in my arms becoming the only thought in my mind.

What the hell happened?!

Before I knew it, I awoke in the same pale white room, alone.

I looked down at my body, both arms wrapped in bandages from wrist to elbow, both legs pale white. I sat up more to get a better look of the room, my mind spinning as I did, and noticed the lock on the bathroom door.

And on the window.

And on the only door out.

What the f**k?! I screamed in my head, wondering why everything was so shut down and locked up. I flipped my legs over the edge of the bed, and touched my feet to the cold ground.

Their was only 1 bed in the room, and I was on it, which was strange for a hospital. Don't they normally have at least 2 beds to a room?

I tried walking to the locked front door, but had to steady myself against the wall, dizziness taking over.

I closed my eyes and tried to focus on something unrelated to the room; something that would calm me.

Paint.

I thought back to art class, and remembered how difficult it was to get the proper mix for a certain colour. Before I could make more thasn 3 steps, The door opened, and 2 people entered, the male doctor from before, and Kaylee.

"You shouldn't be out of bed yet Ms Oxmon," the doctor said, rushing to my side and aiding me back into my bed, "you still haven't recovered."

I looked over to Kaylee, her head down and her eyes red.

"And why did you come?" I asked sounding skeptical, as Kaylee kept her head down. The doctor sighed, "she came to see if you were alright."

"She's a little late for that," I said, Kaylee stepping away from where she stood, turning away from me.

"Chell," I heard her say, her voice groggy, "I'm so sorry for this. If I had know..."
"What?" I asked, trully curious. "You would'da pulled your head out of your a*s for once?" My words were filled with venom, and were hitting her head on. She turned back to face me, her eyes a blistering red and her face dreched with tears.

I expected her to yell or scream at me, maybe punch me, but all she did was stare at me for a moment, before leaving the room.

"That wasn't very nice Michelle," the doctor said, placing his clip board on the chair beside my bed.

"Neither was she." I said coldly, crossing my arms painfully over my chest.

"She just wants to help you through your recovery," he actually sounded sincear, which burned more than the gashes on my arms did.

"I called her for help doc," I said, tearing up, "I talked to her and asked for help, and she f****n' said no." I began to cry, trying to wipe away the tears without disturbing my slashed arms or black eye. I had forgotten all about my black eye, it sent a shock through me remembering that I even had it.

"Michelle," the doctor started, "she wants to help you now. She realizes how hurt you are by all of these things going on in your life."

"Not all the things in my life, life in general doc," I said, the upset feeling slowly coming back. "I've been through it all for years now, and nobody's helped me. If they haven't by now, they never will."

The doctor smiled, and placed his glasses on his clip board, shaking his head as he did.

"Is that why you did this?" He asked, the smile dissappearing. I took a moment to think before seriously answering that question.

"Kind of, to be honest."

"Explain."

"Well," I began, taking a deep breath in before continuing, "it's just..."

"Yes?"

"Have you ever been in a dark room, and someone controlled the lights, but no one would turn them on? And no matter how loud you scream, or how obvious things look to everyone on the outside, nobody will turn on the damn light? Because that's what it's like."

The doctor starred at me, his eyes staying focused in mine. I looked down at my hands, and realized how powerful my words really could be.

"I think I get it," he said, breaking me out of my trans and back into reality. I looked at him to see if he was serious.

"You do?" I asked, confused as to why he would care.

"You aren't alone Michelle," he collected his glasses and clip board and left the room, Kaylee entering.

She sat down beside my bed, keeping her eyes on her feet.

"If I knew Chell, I swear-"

"What? What would you do Kaylee?" Our eyes met and held as I spoke, "how could you have changed this?"

She looked away and wiped away another tear that had falled down her face, muttering something.

"What?" I asked, 'speak up Kaylee, because you might not get another chance."

"I said," her voice boomed over mine, "do you have any idea what it's like to find your best friend dying in the woods?"

She glared at me, "can you asnwer that?!"

I paused, my mouth wide open, with a surprised look on my face.

"You... Came looking for me?" I looked out the window, and focused on a bird landing to eat a berry.

"Of course I did," she gave a little laugh, "it's not a party without you."

"When have I ever been a 'party person' Kaylee?" I asked sarcastically, turning back to face her.

She looked down at the balled up tissue in her hand, and sniffled before looking back at me.

"It's always best with you there, you should know that," she said smiling as if one sentance would change everything.

"Then why wasn't i invited to your party?" I pointed the most obvious flaw in her little spech.

"I called and your dad said you couldn't..." She trailed off, starring at my black eye. "He didn't tell you, did he?"

I began to cry; of all things for me to cry about, it was about not geting invited to a party.

"No," I cried, Kaylee's arms wrapping around me as I began to tear myself apart. "Instead all of this happened," I said into her shoulder, her shirt becoming dreched with tears as I cried.

"It's okay now Chell, its okay." She rubbed my back and cooed until I was calm enough for her to release from the hug. She sat back down on the chair, holding my hand.

"I thought you didn't care," I murmured, "you never seemed to ask about me, or ask about the bruises or cuts..."

"Because I knew, Chelly, I already knew," she gave my hand a gentle sqeeze and a smile.

"Then why didn't you help me?"

She released my hand.

"I knew something was going on," she said, "I just didn't know how bad it was. I didn't know you wanted to end your own life! If I had... If I had know, I would have tried to help but..." she paused, "my life hasn't exactly been great lately either. I can't help both you and I at the same time."

That felt like a pierce right through the heart; then how could I always find time for hers?

"I found time for you," I murmured, fighting off the urge to cry again.

"And I swear that from now on, I will always be here for you Chelly, I swear to God I will be."

I smiled and pulled her into a hug, crying again.

"I love you Kaylee, I'm sorry."

"It's okay Chelly," she laughed, a slight tear in her voice, "I love you too.