Rainbow: What now? (part 4)

A Chapter by Jess Holden

NUMBER 4!!!!!

The doctor confirmed it herself; I was pregnant. Their was no denying it anymore.

She explained that this was the reason I was throwing up so much.

"You will have to return once every month so we can track your progress." She said, finishing off the paper work for me.

"Do you have an estimate as to the last time you were sexually active, Violet?" she asked, lowering her glasses slightly, to look me in the eyes. Her eyes were a light brown, and her cheeks was a perfect shade of pink, with clear skin framing pearly white teeth.

"Uh, about a month and a half ago. Does it really happen that quickly though, doc?" I asked, slowly starting to panic as I began to think what this all really meant.

I was having a baby.

Something was growing inside of me.

"Yes, it does Violet. Now don't forget, you have to come back this Tuesday for an ultrasound, okay?" She said, repeating things she had already stated.

"Yeah," I said distantly, trying not to cry at the lack of words to come out of my mouth. I had so many questions flowing inside of me, that I was left without a single word to sum this all up.

Then, it all hit me: Pregnant.

After the first doctor's appointment, David stopped coming around. He would call once every week to see how I was, and how work went. Part of me wished that he would come over and take some amount of the tension away from me, but another part wanted him to stay away.

Maybe him being away would be good; maybe he needed some time to process all of this. I had just kind of thrown this whole thing at him without warning, maybe he needed a month or two.

My mind still being wraped up in the pregancy and David, I forgot how I would tell my parents. My stomach turned at the thought of telling my father that his "little angel" was having a kid before he was 40. I had a feeling that he would take it better than my mother would. Whenever she freaked out, she really freaked.

She had a tendancy to throw things, scream, and even cry at times.

I decided that the best thing to do, was to tell my father first, then he could help me break it to my mother.

"Dad?" I asked, knocking on the door of his study and waiting quietly for a responce.

"Come in Violet," he said, as I herd his chair squeek at the shifting of his body weight. I entered and closed the door slowly behind me, my eyes staying glued to the floor and my face showing that something was obviously wrong.

"What's wrong hon? You look so upset." he said, worry filling his voice. I looked up to stare into his crystal green eyes, my eyes begining to water.

"Dad, I have to tell you something. You can't get upset, okay?" I said, trying to keep myself from shaking.

"Violet, you can tell me anything. I promise I won't get mad," he said, standing and wraping his arms around me in a bear hug. I stood there in my father's arms, and began to cry. I couldn't hold this in anymore, and I couldn't lie.

"Daddy, I'm so sorry. I never wanted this to happen, it just did..." I began to confess, fighting against the cries erupting from my chest.

"What happened darling?! Did someone hurt you?" He asked, his voice almost booming in my ears.

"No one Daddy no one..." I paused, "I'm pregnant."

I was right about my father taking it better than my mother. After I told him, he actually cried. Not an oh how embarassing cry, but more of a I'm so happy cry. My mother jumped up and down in happiness over having another baby in the house.

Since my mother found out about my pregnancy, she insisted on driving me to the monthly doctor's appointment, and joining me in the room. I didn't object, too afraid that she would actually start to get mad.

My dad wondered where David went.

"Well if this is his child, why isn't he around to help you too?" he asked angerly, crossing his arms over his chest in defense.

"Dad, he's just not handling this well, okay? Leave it," I said while my hands were busy folding laundry.

Frankly, I hadn't been handling this well.

All I could think about was getting high, just escaping this s****y reality for just a few minutes. Then my mind would shoot back to the baby. How would drugs effect this kid? Wouldn't it come out all deformed, or addicted? My mind didn't care right now, all it wanted was some release, a break.

"Why isn't he handling this well? Their's nothing to handle for him!" he objected, throwing his arms wildy in the air, before storming out of the room to his study. I just sighed and continued to fold, my mind mixing with the thoughts of being high, the joys of it.

I had to call David.

David hadn't contacted me for a good reason; he was in rehab. Once he herd that i was pregnant, he flew off the handle with the drugs, doing anything to try and forget. I had to call David's house phone, which is were I was informed.

I felt tremendous guilt for pushing this much pressure on David, but I still needed him. Now, i was feeling the constant itch for a high, baby or not. I started to even wonder if this kid was worth it. I was just starting my life, why should I end it so soon?

I wanted time to live, to breath, to have a life before starting another one. I want this, don't I? But could I live with the guilt of ending a life that never had time to live? So many choices, and all I want is an escape. I knew this cheap high would help, I just knew it. Or was this the addiction talking?

Suddenly, in the middle of my thought circle, my phone began to ring. I looked at the caller ID, and saw David's name pop up.

Not his home phone, his cell, so it must be him.

I quickly grabbed the phone off my bed and hit the talk button.

"David?!" I asked frantically, hoping that he was as eager to hear from me as I him.

"Meet me at Mona's. Now." He demanded, his voice slightly straigned, but despirate, the dial tone following shortly afterwards.

I quickly dropped the phone, and gathered my things in preparation for the long walk to Mona's. I didn't know why we were going to Mona's if she was dead, but I quit thinking once I saw David's name pop up on the caller ID. Nothing seemed to matter for those tiny insignifigant seconds that his voice filled my ear with sweetness.

I quickly but quietly snuck downstairs, and out the front door without my parents noticing, quickly picking up my pace the farther I got from the house.

I started to feel the same freedom that I did the morning I left David's house just mere months ago. So much had changed since that simple time, that my heart ached for it all back.

I started to run, tears filling my eyes and pain filling my heart. I just needed to get to David, I just needed to see him again.

Me and David met at Mona's where he told me the horror story of rehab. He said it was filled with child molesters and rapists. He even explained how rehab seemed to have access to more drugs than the outside world ever did.

That's when he pulled them out.

The two sharp pointed twins of evil, but it was the evil that I craved. The sweet feeling of being weightless and carefree, and just not giving a care about the world.

I wanted to decline, say I was above that and wanted the baby to be safe, but I didn't. I just starred as David stuck himself with one of the two needles, and his eyes roll back in his head. At first, I felt jealous, and even a bit mad that he had given in. But I then remembered what I was talking about. This wasn't fun, this was an addiction; something that you're forced to live with everyday of your life. If you were lucky, you could maybe get out of it, maybe you could get rid of it all, or just get another habbit.

He looked at me, a wide toothed smile spread across his face, and offered the other to me. My mind was full of confusion, as I felt my hand reach out and lift my sleeve. He held my hand, and looked deeply into my eyes. I wanted to scream out and yell at him, ask him about this kid; what were we going to do?

Before I even registered it into my mind, I felt a small pinch in the corner of my arm, filling me with surprise and stopping my thoughts. I pushed the thoughts of the baby deep inside, as the high started to have its effect.

It was like old times; the world fell away from us as we strolled around town, no worries, just every colour of the rainbow intesnified under the high. The ground felt like mush beneath my feet, and his hand wrapped around mine felt like sunshine on a cold day. I lost all sence of pain through my body as we walked, the world nothing more than our little playground of happiness and joy. Their was nothing more perfect than me and him, together again.

About a month later, the sign was up on the front lawn. FOR SALE.

Mona's parents were leaving to the east coast, to try and start new. Her mother was still in her early 30's, her hair with still no signs of grey, and her father who was at least 40, showing his age clearly. The last time I saw them, they were buring their daughter and had just started an anti-drug campaign for the town. It hadn't gone over so well, being scrapped by the mayor's office.

And as David and I stood outside what would be Mona's old house, watching the realitor collect the for sale sign, it began to rain. I couldn't hold in my feelings, tears erupting violently from my eyes as it began to rain.

Rain is cool, calm and collected, even when its in pieces I herd Mona's voice echo through my head. David saw me crying, and grabbed for my hand.

"Let's go Rain," he said, calling me by the nickname that held so much together.

"What are we going to do Sunshine?" I asked, using his name as well, trying to fight back the convulsions coming from deep within my chest.

"I don't know yet, I just don't know." he said, hugging me closer to him, feeling his heartbeat and breath slow.

The warmth coming from David kept me warm from the misty rain that fell over us, almost like a sign that somewhere, Mona was watching over us.

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