Rainbow: Feelings (part 3)

A Chapter by Jess Holden

rawrr number 3!!!

David's house was empty the weekend that we planned to say goodbye to our addiction. When I arrived, David had balloons set up all over the house, and even had a cake with a needle drawn on it. I smiled at how out of the way he was going.

He really does want to quit. I thought, trying to think of why I thought he couldn't. Once the front door was shut, he hugged me and picked me up.

"David! Put me down!" I laughed, as he threw me over his shoulder and began to walk up the stairs to his room.

"Never!" He yelled, as he picked up the pace. I couldn't stop laughing as he began to tickle my legs, my chest beginning to hurt from all the laughing. Once we got to his bedroom door, he finally stopped and let me down, still holding me close.

"You're evil, you know that?" I asked, as I slowly caught my breath. He just smiled as he opened his door, revealing the master piece that he made his room into.

I gasped as I saw rose pedals thrown all around the room in the shape of the heart, and candles keeping the room lit. I turned back to David, my vision blurred by sudden tears, as I felt him grab my hand.

"This is all for you. I figured why not start off good?" He said, his voice that same honey sound in his voice.

I trully had no words for him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his face close to mine, the tears burning as they fell down my face. I felt his heart beat faster against his chest as he smiled, wrapping his arms around my hips.

"I never thought the definition of a happy ending would be an addiction." He said, his breath light and slow.

"Shut up and kiss me you idiot."

It had been exactly one week since I last got high, and I started to feel weird. I didn't tell David about what I had been feeling, afraid that I would just be adding to his feelings. I started writing a journal but I couldn't keep with it. Everytime I read back, I felt this burning in the back of my mind, like someone hit me really hard. I figured that this was what my addiction was going to feel like.

The last days of school were fast approaching, and I started to notice Mike coming around more often. In the beginning, it was just a 'hi' whenever he saw me in the hallways. Now, we would have full out conversations if David wasn't by my side. If David was there, Mike wouldn't even say hello.

"He doesn't have the balls to face me," David said one day after Mike gave me a weak smile from across the hall. I sighed, too stressed from the withdrawl and last little pieces of work from classes to really care.

"Yeah, whatever just ignore him." I said, trying to get my mind off the burning sensation. David snapped his head towards me.

"Whatever? Whatever?! No, this isn't a 'whatever' situation Violet! I'm going to square this guy off once and for all!" David said rather loudly, releasing my hand, and marching straight over to Mike. I watched him walk all the way over to Mike, expecting nothing but a few words to be exchanged, then to come back to me.

He didn't.

The second David was within reach of Mike, he started to yell and scream bloody murder. I saw Mike calmly respond, and lift his hands up in peace. David kept yelling, as I saw him pull his fist back and throw a punch at Mike, connecting with his jaw and sending him against the lockers, his back connecting with the lockers.

David was kicked out of school until the end of the year, which was mere weeks away, and Mike was given an in school suspention. So I was alone, left to wander the school without anyone. All my old friends had moved on, and forgot about me. David's group was gone, and so was David.

I was left with this abandonned feeling.

Like everyone left me on purpose, and were having some big party somewhere without me. Part of me cared a lot, while another part of me was trying to supress the feelings of withdrawl.

Summer finally started, and not a moment too soon. David tried to get another hit in on Mike at our graduation. Luckily, I was able to steer them apart before anything bad happened.

Me and David planned a little party after the ceremony. I was so surprised that we had lasted this long, and that Mike hadn't tried anything funny. Part of me was proud of the guy, and the other part was too busy thinking about what we were going to do at David's.

When the graduation was over, David drove the both of us to his place.

"My parents are out celebrating tonight, so we'll be alone until at least one tomorrow." He said, his arm still wrapped around me while he drove. He was surprisingly warm today, even when wearing a t-shirt.

"Huh, and what are your intentions then?" I asked, trying to sound sweet, almost sexy. It felt like a failed attempt, but by the look in his eyes, and the smile on his face, I think he got the point.

I almost didn't make it out of David's before his parents came home. I felt like such a rebel, just barley getting out before getting caught. Maybe this is how David and his friends felt whenever they broke the rules. It was a freedom that almost couldn't be gained any other way. My heart pumped in a way that had neve been before, and my mind felt fresh and new. When I got home, my parents were already gone to work, leaving behind a note.

Dear Violet,

we figured you went to David's this morning so we left. If you aren't reading this, please call the police and report yourself missing.

Losts of love, Mom

The note made me smile as I slipped it into my back pocket, and carried on with my day. I walked upstaires, intent on cleaning the mess that I called my room. It felt like so long since I had been in my room; like, really been in my room. The last time I was there was to pack for David's, and I had only been there for 10 minutes tops.

I open the door slightly and glanced through the crack, examining the room.

The window was open slightly, allowing both the sunlight and wind to enter. My bed was left unkept, and clothes lay scattered around the room in complete dissarray. I sighed and pushed the door open further, recalling the memories with David within this very room.

The time I fell asleep in Mona's car, so he carried me up the stairs. Or the time he came in through my window on my birthday at midnight. I remember my parents almost waking up too, causing him to jump out the window frantically. I taunted him for that. I decided that the reminising could wait, and I would settle for the cleaning that was needed.

"Let's get this over with."

I hadn't seen David since that night, which was over a week and a half ago. I became busy with preparing for college, and working at the local library to save up money. The library had become my save haven since I quit the drugs, making myself feel safe within the confindes of a book.

The librarians that worked there loved my company, and lovedt to tell stories from their youth. At times, it was fun, but if they got on a rather boring topic, it could be hell.

Today was one of those hell days; they were talking about how against same sex marrage they were. Frankly, I didn't care what their opinions were, but screaming it across the room, and declaring that all homosexuals are "wrong" made me pissed.

I was thankful that David walked in not 20 minuted into their rants, shutting them up, and walking me home.

"So how's it going?" he asked, wiping his ever growing hair from his forehead. It was hard to believe that he was growing again; it was like watching a baby grow up from the mother's persecive, and he was growing quickly.

"Well, I have been feeling slightly ill lately, but its probably just the flu. How are you?" I asked, remembering how much I had been throwing up lately. I figured I had picked up some bug from the weekly kid visits to the library.

"You sure you're okay?" he asked, stopping me in my track to come face to face with me, concern filling his eyes.

"Of course I am!" I exclamied, kissing him quickly in an attempt to wipe the concern away. When I looked back inot his eyes, they were happy and playful again.

I had escaped having to explain my sickness, and we instead, talked about how his summer had been going.

"I'm sorry baby, but I relapsed. I wasn't going to tell you, but I wanted to be honest with you. can you forgive me?" He asked, throwing his words at me like a ton of bricks.

I had feared this. The first relapse, the first begging for forgiveness. How many were to come? I mean, if he did it once, who's to say he wouldn't do it again?

My mind kept spinning, until I felt my mouth become overwhelmed with a sour taste. I quickly ran to David's bathroom, and opened the toilet. The sour taste flew out of my mouth, and sunk down the drain, as I coughed and struggled to breath. I herd David run into the bathroom with me, holding my hair back as my body stuggled to release what was left of my stomach.

"S**t! Are you sure you're going to be okay?!" he asked frantically, patting my back gently in a comforting rhythm. I sat, bent over the toilet in David's house, too afraid to say another word, but too afraid not to.

"I'll be okay..." I said quietly, standing myself up, feeling David back away from me.

"Are you this upset about it?!" he asked, regret infused within his voice, that I felt guilty for my horrible timing.

"No, its not that," I said, turing to face him, feeling my face go a cold pale. I had know for weeks, but telling him would be a million times harder than what I expected.

"Then what baby? You can tell me anything." I paused, trying to word this all in my head, which had became a jumbled mess of squiggly lines and colours.

"David..." I said, knowing that would be enough, as I grabbed his hand and held it to my stomach, knowing how actions spoke louder than words.

Now, he knows.

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