Blame it on the reign.

A Story by Jess Holden

<3

I pressed my face up against the glass of the window, attempting to see him coming. People swarmed inside the school, but he was nowhere in sight. I began to feel down, without him this day would last forever.

Please Tyler, be here. I thought, trying to fight back the tears forming in my eyes as I thought about where he could be.

I was always fearful that he'd run away from home again, leaving me broken again. Or worse, he could end up in the mental hospital again, left amoungst the crazy people of Toronto, after some freak out or suicide attempt. Hell, if he wasn't here I would kill myself. He was one of the biggest reasons I even bothered to smile anymore. I just couldn't help it around him. He made me so happy, I could cry. But I always imagined that I felt this way whenever I just wasn't around him; I swear it was just my imagination. Most days I'd pray that it was all my imagination, that I don't feel this way for my best friend, so that nothing is awkward.

My pain is knowing I can't have you, music blarred in my ear, telling stories of lost love.

I didn't want love.

I just wanted him. I didn't care what words it intitaled anymore.

As I watched the people pass by, I slowly saw his silouette form in the middle of the roaring gang of teenagers. I began to smile, all sadness evaporating out of me like a drop of water in the sunlight. He was looking around, confused, like a lost puppy. I giggled, watching him glance around quickly, looking for me. He caugh sight of me, a sudden look of relief spreading across his face, a smile to acompany it. I gave a grin, and waved through the window. As he ran towards the window, I saw someone catch his hand, and hold him back. A look of confusing spread across his face again, as he was pulled back into the crowed, losiing sight of his silouette. I waited for a moment or two, that of which were spend in utter agony wishing he'd come back, until I saw him come back into view.

Does she look at you the way I do? the song continued on, as he walked out of the crowed with his girlfriend, Lucy. I doubted that she did. I felt like a horrible friend for even saying or thinking it but, it was true. I hardly doubted that she looked at him the same way that I did.

Does every moment away from him hurt the way it hurts me?

Do I make him do stuff he doesn't want to?

No?

Who does?

Oh right.. YOU.

I hated myself for even thinking like that, but sometimes I just couldn't help it. It had been six months already, and I had been behaving myself, and not saying anything rude. My thoughts I hope didn't count. My two best friends dating; that never ends well. In the end, they break up and one leaves the group because it gets too awkward.

Normally, the guy leaves.

"Hey guys! About time you get here!" I say playfully, enjoying the happiness all around. They both smiled, their hands linked together in a happy manor.

"Hey Sam, yeah sorry, we got lost. Where's Derek?" Lucy asked, happily. I paused for a second, getting ready to put on a performace.

"We... Broke up." I said, trying to sound as if I actually cared. Because as you can tell, I really, really didn't. I only dated Derek to try and 'more on' from Tyler, like a friend suggested.

The relationship with Derek was a hard one to say the least. He was the kind of guy that b*****s about "finding love," even though he probably couldn't find love with a map.

He had secrets too that made everything so much more difficult and confusing.

He was an abusive son of a b***h, with a pretty messed up brain. It wasn't the real reason we broke up though, because its "never that easy." Sure, when we'd go out he'd smack me around a bit, leave bruises and even a couple scars, but his real problem was trust. He had this overly obcessive need to either be where I was, or not go at all. I broke that "rule" a lot. So I guess I blamed the beatings on myself, it didn't really matter.

"Oh Sam," Lucy said compassionatly, releasing Tyler and grabbing me in an embracive hug. I looked at Tyler, crossing my eyes and sticking my tounge out in an attempt to make him laugh. He smiled, making a face in return, as Lucy slowly losened her grip of me. She held my shoulders and looked me in the eyes. It wasn't that I didn't like Lucy, it was just that she was one of the small things in life holding me back. It felt horrible to say that, but it was true.

"I'm alright Lucy really," I said smiling, pushing her hands off my shoulders. I was still really soar from my last date with Derek, that not only ended our relationship, but ended me in the hospital.

"Alright then. So are we going still?" she asked, returning her hand to Tyler's, his face going blank. I giggled, still keeping my eyes on him, I aswered a simple "yeah," and smiled.

Does she get the same big rush, when you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?