Broken

Standing on a mountain, looking down on the plain

Waiting for something, waiting for it to rain

I thought I had you by my side, I never knew I was wrong

I thought that you were always mine, thought our love was strong

You fooled me with your dirty lies, you blindfolded my eyes

You made me feel like you were mine, while you were living in disguise

I gave you all I ever had, told you all I ever knew

I never dreamed of making you sad, but from me, away you flew

You cut me open, ripped my heart and smashed it

You had a smile on your face, I'm sure you enjoyed doing it

I was told by my friends this wouldn't last

I started seeing some signs which I ignored, from the very start

Captured was I by your beauty, It was what drew me in

But I've realised my mistake and I feel guilty, for true beauty does lie within

Now I'm standing on a mountain, where in my hand a small bottle lie

Waiting for the signal saying hope is lost, and thus with a diss, I shall die.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

WOW! Intensely personal & gut-wrenching & palpable! I could feel the narrator going thru this. This poem could've been written about the very-much-younger me, heartbreaker that I was. Now I see how my seemingly logical change of heart (many times) must've felt like a personal assault to the other person. You've painted the picture very realistically. Somehow, I get the feeling this guy won't take the pills. Even tho the heartbreak is convincing, the suicidal bent is not so much. Thanks for sharing.

[Jerryyoung1z]

I'm glad you like it. And nahh, I don't think the dude is really going to kill himself. He needs bravery to do that.. Thanks:-), I appreciate it.

[barleygirl]

You are very correct. I would've killed myself many times, but I was too chicken. It does require extreme bravery to off yourself! I've never heard anyone say that before.

[Jerryyoung1z]

To commit suicide, you don't only need bravery, but also a truck load of foolishness.

[barleygirl]

Also, it's a pretty self-absorbed viewpoint . . .

[Coyote Poetry]

When we learn.The love is gone. We do find loneliness.
"Now I'm standing on a mountain, where in my hand a small bottle lie
Waiting for the signal saying hope is lost, and thus with a diss, I shall die."
I like the above lines. Perfect description of knowing. Thank you Jerry for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[.]

A very intense, personal write, Jerry, and tragically, oh so true.

As a poet who writes from the heart, such a situation as you have described here, tends to deaden the senses and sucks all the words from my being. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, or how hard we love another, we
can be forsaken and abandoned like a feather in a monsoon.
A very honest, truthful piece of writing, Jerry. Well Done.

[Jerryyoung1z]

True, so true. Thank you for reading and reviewing

[Solar]

//You made me feel like you were mine, while you were living in disguise//

just a few errors/typos: 4th line - though[t], 5th line dirt[l]y

The poet sees through the disguise now he stands above, lies in 'plain' sight - nicely written.

[Jerryyoung1z]

Tell me what you think people