Letting Myself Live

I'm so tiried of frustration.
All of My major decisions are met by hesitation.
Every step of every day is way too over calculated.
I admit I'm the only one I've got to blame for this predicament.
All these years I've held myself back.
Content to live in the same bland world I've always known.
I haven't really experienced.
I haven't really grown.
Keeping everyone who attempts to get in at a distance.
I couldn't be more alone.
Trying to find the answers to happiness.
In vain I've poured over miles and miles of sanskirt.
All the while not knowing it's so easy, it's so natural.
You planted the seed now all I have to do is water it.
I know, like all the rest, I've pushed you away.
But now I'm convienced with your help there'll be brighter days.
I want spontaneity.
I want a feeling of being free.
I want to feel love and what it could do to me.