This Crap in My Heart.

just trying to get these feelings and thoughts out of my heart and head.

How much do I have to miss you

to keep your eyes from haunting my heart?

to steady my breath from seeing your face?

to give my head a peace of mind from you?

Life isn't the same anymore

when you aren't looking at me

when you're not calling for me

when I'm not the reason you smile.

My heart yearns and remembers

the times you laughed because of me

the times you held me together 

when I was falling apart

the times you cared about me obsessively. 

. . . 

Time has passed and I have learned

you were the best part of me

when I kept trying to fix you

I was wrong when it mattered

when I didn't care enough about you

and I didn't listen enough

when you tried to explain. . . 

When I found out I made the mistake

I knew it was my last

I knew you had had enough

and I knew we were no more. 

Now as I write this to you

You will never take me back

I will never be the reason your heart shakes

and we will never be able to trust each other 

ever again.

. . .

I've written you before

I've told you how much I will always care

I've let you know how I've felt

I've told you . . . that I miss you.

I want to be the one this time 

to tell you I still love you

I will always love you

and I want to fight for you. . . 

But you're through with me

you're done fixing me up

when I bring you down

you want a life without me

and that's all I can give you now.

All I can say again is that I'm sorry

for talking like I knew what I felt

for making you feel the way you did

and for keeping you all to myself. 

I want you back. You were the best of me. I'm sorry.