If You're Contemplating, Please Stay

Some days, I break. There's so many emotions shooting through my head, like my own words are drowning me. But no one can hear me. No one can hear me gasping for breath. No one can hear me screaming for help. The anxiety gets so overpowering, my head just remains spinning. I can't control it; all I'm left to do is watch the spins and breathe once it's over. I look at myself in the mirror and I hardly recognize my own reflection. It saddens me when I can't recognize who's behind these eyes.

Other days, I'm free. From the hurt and from the pain. It doesn't hurt to breathe. I'm not gasping for air under an ocean of destruction. I can look at this world and feel sane. The sky is so beautiful, like God placed every piece so perfectly. And I'm more than happy to be here to witness it. In my head, I'm as a child, running through flower fields enjoying every ounce of my being. It's such a beautiful day, I repeat. It's such a beautiful day to be alive.

Because this world can break you, but also put you back together. Whole, and into the masterpiece you've always been. You were born to become something and even if it's too blurry to see now, it's worth the wait.

Your purpose is worth everything.

Your purpose is worth more than the sleepless nights with you screaming to the sky why you have to be alive. Your purpose is worth more than the hurt someone passes down to you because they don't want you anymore. Your purpose is worth more than the hatred words you give to yourself in the mirror when you look at yourself.

Your purpose is worth more than the dark clouds flowing over the bright sun.

Because as bad times do, the clouds eventually pass and the sun comes out so brightly again. We see the shine. Sometimes in a few hours and sometimes not until the next morning.

When we're going through something and we feel stuck, think of the clouds and think of the sun. The sun always comes back and so does the good times in life.

I'm not going to write about how to get rid of your clouds. Let them cover you, let yourself break. Let yourself burst into a million emotions, because it's okay to. It's okay to not be okay. It's okay to be covered in pain. It will shape us into someone stronger than we've ever known.

The important message is to stay. Please stay darling, stay here. Stay through the pain and the hurt. Stay through the anxiety that drains you way too far down. And stay here on the good days. The days where you have no worries and you breathe in nothing but happiness. Stay for the shine, because it'll come back. Even when it's too far to see.

Please just stay to see how beautiful life can be.