To the Ones I Had to Leave Behind. I Didn't Forget About You

Sometimes you have to walk away from a life you've only known to create a better one.

How are you doing?

And I mean that in such a sincere way. Please don't text me the answer or call me. I'll be okay with asking you in the distance. I'm better that way.

I know you're angry with me. You were in my life for so many years or so many months and now you think you're dead to me. You feel like I've abandoned you, even though I've felt like that most of our relationship/friendship.

The answer to your emotions, you're not dead to me. And I still think about you almost every day.

See the thing is, I didn't cut you off because I'm some selfish or self-centered "princess". I cut you off because there comes a point in time where you get fed up. You get tired. You get drained by helping every one around you, but when you're down; nobody is there. You have to pick up the broken pieces yourself. Which is smart to learn to do, but you can't keep giving your heart away and keep getting hurt when nobody gives that back to you.

I went through a breakthrough.

I stood up for myself, for once. I took my life back and took control over it. I haven't known what control was like for years. The only control I knew of was the control you had over my emotions. The control you had over who I talk to, who I don't. The control you, the control you. You controlled me. You minimized me.

I kept saying it was love.

That's what made me stay for so long. You repeatedly said, "I love you", "Love you girl", "I love you so much." But did you really? Or did you love the way I can get shattered so many times and still have the weakness to stay. Because strength wasn't what made me stay around.

I was afraid of being alone.

Strength would be me walking out that door and leaving you behind because how selfish am I to keep going back to people that hurt me? And it took years to see, people that love you don't hurt you. People that love you don't put you in situations where you'd get harmed. I was lost. I was selfish, to myself.

All I want for you now is to grow, without me this time.

To all the people that's hurt me, burned me, broken me, succeed. Grow into someone you'd love. This time, do the growing without me. I'm not going to be there to catch your falls because I need to catch myself sometimes. I hope you find happiness. The nice kind of happiness, and not the kind where you have to compare yourself to others to feel superior. Fall in love with your image. Fall in love with your mind. Fall in love with yourself this time, without me.

Learn what self-love is.

Because I did and I have to say, it's so beautiful.