Growing Apart

freewrite woke up in the night and wrote this. :-/ needs work.

It wasn't long ago  1 Your fingers through my long hair  2 as you tell me the story of your day  3 and how you'd like to travel  4 with me some place warm  5 and the light through the window  6 seemed to brighten everything  7 or maybe that was just your affect on me  8 your words,  9 your mouth pressed against mine  10 a subtle, sweet moment  11 that now, somehow,  12 moves away from me like a lily downstream.  13

Reviews

[Roger Turgeon]

Hmmm a lot going on in one sentence....I felt the movement.... farther and farther away.

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you :)

[Wórdsmíth]

Wow .. beautiful poem of love. I love this one too, can see the whole world in your words ;)

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you for such a wonderful compliment and review. Its so nice to hear what the reader thinks and feels. I appreciate very much what you've said here. It encourages me to write more.

Have a wonderful inspiring day :)

Jennifer

[Leigh]

Needs very little improvement, if any. You wake up with thoughts like this? You are lucky. Like a lily, beautifully put, liked this a lot and its unique format.

[JenniferMarie]

Thanks so much Leigh for reading and reviewing. Your review is encouraging.


Jennifer

[Trace]

Is this a personal experience or just a dream thought that you captured before it escaped into the night?

I enjoyed the visual you created in this free write.

Trace

[JenniferMarie]

I've experienced growing apart for sure. I like to write about the end of love for some reason, but yes I woke up in the middle of the night and wrote this.

Thank you for your review. I appreciate it.

[audrie]

I like the way you turned this into a personal experience - "or maybe that was just your affect on me. . . " This is a sweet short love poem and it draws a lovely picture - thanks for the share

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you Audrie for your comment.