She now Wakes Early

work in progress... needs editing

Why hadn’t she left long ago, 
holding on like the last leaf before winter
night by night cold, twisting in silence, 
then falling away. 
  
It is 2:00 p.m. and the sun has landed heavy 
on the leafy streets of Spain 
She moves through the tangle of alleys 
shops shuttered for siesta, 
people disappearing into apartments above cafes. 
  
She stops by a café near home 
to meet the new one. 
Umbrellas outside tight in a bud, 
sunlight spilling into the doorway. 
He leans into the bar, 
crumpled white shirt loosely unbuttoned, 
glass sweating. 
He speaks and she listens as though he has the answers. 
There is a tenderness to him she considers 
as she sips sangria he has waiting for her. 
  
Later, in bed the delicate weight of one another, 
Breathing. Letting go. 
  
There is a moment when the sun begins 

to crawl through shuttered windows, 
how she thinks he’s in the doorway shirt and shoes in hand, 
then feels his foot searching for hers under sheets, 
hands pulling her waist in, kissing the nape of her neck. 
What love might learn from such a night. 
  

Reviews

[Glen Yumang Manese]

You bring out just enough to the reader in this one... I miss Spain... the part about siesta... got me in this write... not saying the rest did not catch my eye... the story line seems to drift is sections... a relationship brewing and the end states that... and you said this has room for development... where will this go or does that passion just linger in the last line...

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you Glen. I appreciate your comment. I know I just love it there. Siesta time I enjoyed because you go home, think, study or just take a nap. It's nice meditation.

I plan to work on the poem and see how I can edit some.

Thank you again,
Jennifer

[Glen Yumang Manese]

They know how to live over there in Europe... imagine if we had siesta in the US of A... instead we are just fixed robots... working and grinding each day... mechanized... no time for family... or values any more... If the president changed just that part of the day each and everyday... people would actually get things done... and not be overtly stressed... and bond instead of a separation... I'm way off the subject... sorry... Let me know when... you draft this again...

[JenniferMarie]

No it's so true! I wrote about that the other day. I feel the same as you do. It's counter productive how we are. I feel that we'd be happier if we had more time with family and then we'd be more productive and live more fulfilling lives. They do know how to live over there. That's why I think of my time there often. I would visit and then say I'm not going back to the American way of stressful living work work work, but I always do bc we have to work and we strive to succeed, but we also need balance.

I love writing because we slow down. We think about life and we write it all down. :)

[Glen Yumang Manese]

Ditto... Amen to that... J ;....

[ANM]

A lovely poem and afternoons such as this is what the summer sun comes out for!

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you ANM. That is so true :)

[ANM]

You are very welcome! More so as I look out my window and it is raining cats and dogs!

[JenniferMarie]

:) Sunny skies over here in Houston. Enjoy the day :)

[ANM]

You to and the sun........

[Michael G. Smith]

I enjoy how you throw in this little subtle pictures of things to the mind. This for me is what grounds your poem pulling us readers into you r mind and then actually being there in the poem.

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you. I really appreciate it. I've been so busy I haven't had time to write. I hope to start soon. Your comment has given me a push so thanks a bunch. Look forward to reading ur writing as well.

[ayosonolowo]

Nice one indeed. I really like the stories in it..

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you. I look forward to reading your work as well.

[A.J.]

i love this! i picture an escape to some coastal town, stopping in before departure for paradise. maybe a little running through the rain to get there.

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you A.J. :) I look forward to reading your work too.

[A.J.]

well dont be shy when you do! criticize! :)

[JenniferMarie]

Okay. I know I don't mind either. If you say I really didn't like or understand this, but I thought this line was strong ... that's how we grow as writer's. You may do the same with my writing. :)

[A.J.]

oh I understand most all poetry.. maybe not in the sense that the poet was feeling sometimes, but thats the beauty of poetry/art in the first place. :)

[wunder]

~Yes!-that last stanza is lovely-
you painted a gorgeous picture-
you can feel this poetry-i Love!!!~

J:)

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you :) Means the world when people review. I look forward to reading your work as well.

[wunder]

~ah-yer very welcome~ :)

[Traci]

I really don't think a lot of editing is necessary. I believe it's very well thought out, and executed nicely portraying thoughts many can relate to. Angi has raised many of the questions I found myself asking, especially "will she hold back a piece of herself for safety's sake". why? because we tend to put up walls to protect ourselves from people leaving us someday.

"She wonders why she hadn’t left long ago"
"There is a tenderness to him she considers."
"What love might learn from such a night."

These three lines stood out the most, especially the last one. A very powerful line, as they whole dynamics may change once one opens their heart to love.

Looking forward to reading it again after you make whatever changes you see fit.

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you Traci. It's so helpful to see what lines stood out. Yes, you and Angi read this the same way I was thinking. There are those questions and we do put up walls, but she didn't trust he'd be there and he was. That is something I think she needed.

[Traci]

Its always my pleasure to read your poetry, as it's always heartfelt. I do believe we read it in similar ways, and honestly I am glad you ended it the way you did. Because after the last line I sat back and said "ahhh, so sweet." aloud. It leaves me with hope, as I am a true romantic at heart. Again great writing....

[jacob erin-cilberto]

sorry i really don't see it as a mess...i see an interesting transition here from the last relationship she should have been out of long ago, to this new budding relationship...and it seems good...and at the end there is the possibility that this one may stay...

she enjoys him during the night...imagines him in the doorway leaving in the morning..and lo and behold..he is still there.

it's a bit prosy in delivery but for this piece that style fits nicely.

i like it, Jennifer. next to last stanza is great...and nothing in it really tripped me up.

[JenniferMarie]

Thanks so much Jacob :) I really appreciate it.

I tried to write a narrative poem here :) I thought I'd try and see what happened.

Your reviews are always so helpful so thank you.

[JenniferMarie]

p.s. you read the poem well. That was what I wanted to convey.

[Angi]

The feeling the last stanza brings! She feels he's in the doorway, shirt and shoes in hand.. Does she know he will go someday? Will she hold back a piece of herself for safety's sake? ...what will love learn? I like this piece, Jennifer. I wonder what you might do with it in the editing.. Angi~

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you Angi.

Yes, it's a bit of a mess right now. I have to edit. I will be working on this one. I want to make everything come together more. the first stanza I need to make stronger and convey a message of her leaving someone much better. it's not always easy :-/ TBC ... :)