Having to Leave

I cannot wonder why things turn out the way they do:

sky pouring rain against the train window,

Slant and definite. I retrieve from my pocket

a wrinkled note from you.

 

You begin like this:

 

Stay.

 

Outside, grass looks lime green against a grey sky,

The girl next to me is dozing off, book in lap.

A child is crying as her mother balances her on one knee,

The faster we move the further I know I am.

The sadness, I can still feel in the back of my throat.

But it is the end of summer, my head now resting against the window frame.

 

Reviews

[bluessadmood]

ohh what a nice theme you draw here..
a fast running train,and heart thumbing fast,
skies pouring hard against windows,feel safe
but dazed,i look around,nothing i could see
only your crumbled note of stay,all you could say
but i was going too fast,too late to be back
parting is always sad ,you did that nicely
lovely write..

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you so much. I'm glad that you could see the crumbled note and felt what I was trying to convey.

Well written comment I must add. Thanks again comments are encouraging.

[bluessadmood]

you are so welcome.

[audrie]

I like the way this piece leaves the content of the note a mystery. It seems like the most important part of the poem - the letter - yet nothing more is said other than "stay"

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you Audrie. I appreciate your comment. :) I may add to this not sure yet though

[Will Neill]

I believe most of us could relate to this moment, be either a train,bus or plane-its that time when you wonder should I stay but you know you can't. I enjoyed reading this Jennifer, it brought back some memories-thank you.
Will

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you Will. I appreciate your review.

[Angi]

That one word... Stay. Magical summers just don't last...life makes choices for us. I see young love here...two people on the brink of responsibility. Sad, sad. I can hear her sigh. Angi~

[Angi]

They always will be with you, too. They are part of you.

[Cool Handless Luke]

Very nice poem Jennifer, sad and relevant in this day with just about anyone who's had a relationship or two. I like the calmness and serenity you portray around her to contrast the turmoil you know she is feeling within.

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you. I appreciate your comment. I'm glad you could feel the emotion I worked towards conveying. I plan to edit this more soon.

Happy writing.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

oh this is so sad...

i have watched a train pull out of the station with a girlfriend on it...and then when i drove away from the station, got stopped by the crossing gates and had to sit there and watch it go..and watch her go

broke me up something fierce.

[JenniferMarie]

I agree. It is a sad day having to leave someone you care about. Thank u for reviewing at same time I reviewed yours! :)