A Moment in Spain

Staying the night in Ibiza

A spray of stars across the sky

 

Café umbrellas in bloom below my window,

The guitar starting in among the chatter,

 

my hair captures the wind

As I watch the moonlight swim towards me across the sea.

 

Reviews

[LJW]

Again, beautiful imagery. A beautiful snapshot of a place in time.

I would suggest ....

Staying the night in Ibiza
A spray of stars across the sky

Cafe umbrellas bloom below my window
A guitar joins in among (st?) the chatter

The lightness of my dress captures the wind
As the moonlight floats toward (s?)me across the sea

Suggestions for edits are my opinion. I do not mean to offend.

[JenniferMarie]

I like suggestions. They are helpful. I like to know what the reader thinks or feels.

Thank you,
Jennifer

[JenniferMarie]

reader/fellow poets.

[written in blood]

a beautiful vivid personal tale. :-) thanks for sharing!!

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you. :)

[Michael Kevin Spencer]

Mmm this is lovely, super sensual somehow, I've heard great things about Ibiza actually.

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you. It's beautiful there. It's fun, but if you stay in Ibiza town by the port it's just so wonderful. I stayed in a white adobe apartment and you could look out to everyone wandering the streets and out to the ocean. Thank you for your comment.

[Trigorin]

Not bad, and I think the brevity here really works for you. My one criticism would be that it's a little bland and it's really just a description, but you've done it so well.

[JenniferMarie]

This is helpful. I usually add a story in the poem. I may try to add a story line, but was just missing Spain and remembering a night where I looked out my window to the port and movement below.

[TheMadnessWithin]

this is beautiful and very well written, your colorful vocabulary really explains the place perfectly

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you. I appreciate it ver much. Happy writing. :)

Jen