Letting Go

We listened to wind swim through raspberry fields,

as we lay on straw and hard earth,

laughing under a white sun.

 

Now, accepting as the shadow walks across the field

that I lie alone,

memories dispersing like a nearby dandelion

 

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

oh so sad...i really like the "wind swim" phrase...

a different way to describe what the wind does..

i like the clash of the two stanzas...Us together..Us apart...and the acceptance that once was is no more than a memory that disperses like a dandelion...which is also such good phrasing..

mostly we think of dandelions as annoyances in our yards...but some think they are pretty...

and valuable..memories can be that, even if they hurt.

i've had many shadows cross my field, while i lay alone.

but they are somehow comforting even if a bit painful...i know i have once swum through those fields you speak of...

jacob

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you Jacob. That is exactly what I meant.

I like visiting places of loss. I am not there in my life right now, but I visit those emotions still because they are with me. Not always, but they are memories and worth some thought I think :)

Thank you again,
Jennifer

[audrie]

I love the imagery - memories dispersing like a nearby dandelion - beautiful

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you Audrie. I appreciate your review. It's great to know what lines readers like. Thanks again and happy writing.

[Daydreamer]

I love the portray so much and the similies you chose. I also love the depiction and the rhythm of the story- just a quick flashback and I'm glad I came across this.
Hats off !

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you :)

[theartistichands]

Nice! I do not tell anyone to read my poems, but go read my poem life "A WITHER LEAF."

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you for your comment.okay, I'd be happy to read.

[Lydia Shutter]

You have a special talent for creating a scene and bringing the reader there. There is a feel of bittersweetness and melancholy in the last stanza. Beautifully written. Lydi**

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you Lydia. It's true when I get in the zone, as us writers do, I begin to write what I see and it turns out this way. Poetry is such a journey and discovery. I really like what Robert Frost said:

"I have never started a poem yet whose end I knew. Writing a poem is discovering."

Robert Frost

Thank you again. Your comment is encouraging.

Best regards,
Jennifer

[koty bell]

This was truly wonderful great write!!!!:)

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you :) I appreciate your comment.

[koty bell]

No probe:)

[Will Neill]

A very sad and poignent piece Jennifer, lovely words.
Will

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you Will.

[wunder]

~ahh-i can feel the breezes-the shadows-and
the lonely moment of memories~i love!~ :)

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you James. I appreciate your review.

[wunder]

~very welcome~ :)

[Traci]

A very bittersweet write, memories captured beautifully through your imagery.

memories dispersing like nearby dandelion

My favorite line. Memories give us strength.

Job well done, look forward to reading more of your work.

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you VITD. I appreciate your comment.

Look forward to reading your work as well.

- Jennifer

[Peter H]

wow very sad and imaged well :) good write my friend an exquisite piece

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you Peter.

[Debbie_Philly]

BEAUTIFUL !!! I love the way you write :)

[JenniferMarie]

Thank you Debbie. Comments like these are so encouraging. I'm glad you liked my poem.

Happy writing :)