From Popular to Freak

The most popular girl in high school, Julianne, has kept her anxiety a secret from even her best friend, Maddie, and boyfriend Luke. At a school dance, her secret is uncovered. Cover: mauragreenlife

Nirvana's song, "Lithium," blared as I navigated through the dance floor crowded with teens. The music mixed with laughter and the overpowering scent of "Love's Baby Soft."

I was confident in my walk. Some kids nodded at me as I passed. The boys gave me admiring glances, but some of the girls' looks weren't as friendly.

I tucked my brunette hair behind one ear and felt a surge of pride. I knew I looked stunning in my black satin and lace Vera Wang gown. The dress wasn't low cut. It was classy.

People often seem to think that popular girls are easy. I'm far from easy.

As I looked around, I noticed that some kids wore the totally wrong clothes. I'm not a mean person, but I felt like they needed to watch that television show, "What Not to Wear."

For instance, Alexander Chavez, the star basketball player, was wearing plaid slacks and a polka dotted tie. Seriously? Oh, Alex. And his girlfriend, Amanda Stevens, wore a dress with a thigh-high slit. She also kept tugging up her strapless bodice.

Fashion Tape, Fashion Tape, I wanted to shout at her. Fashion Tape was the double sided tape that was a Godsend for nearly everything. A few of its magical powers were holding dresses up and keeping bra straps hidden or in place. I made a mental note to let Amanda in on this secret when I had a chance.

I noticed my best friend Maddie standing at the refreshment stand and walked over to her. She looked gorgeous in her shimmering red dress that was striking with her blonde hair.

As we each grabbed a can of soda, we saw Principal Jensen trying to lecture Chantal on her sleazy dance moves. We watched as he made her sit out this dance.

"Oh, my God," whispered Maddie after she took a sip of soda. She was glaring at Chantal. "She deserves it. Trying to twerk and all."

"Yeah, ha-ha. Hey, remember the sleepovers we had? We never missed her show "Hannah Montana."

Maddie nodded. "That was when she was cute. I really miss the non-twerking Hannah."

"I know you loved her, but Hollywood can completely ruin you. It's one reason why I'm going to be a psychologist. It's a very stable career," I said and set down my can of soda.

"Come on, makeup check." That was my phrase for time to go to the Ladies' Room.

As we walked, Madonna's song "Vogue," started playing."I love this song," Maddie said.

"Do you think she'll still be around years from now? Her music seems kind of like a fad," I nonchalantly said.

"Of course! She'll be an icon by then. I just know it. Wait and see."

"Maybe," I said as I pushed open the double doors to the restroom.

"The guys should be here soon. Brandon better not be late. I don't know how he can be late to things more than I am," Maddie laughed.

"Luke texted me a few minutes ago," I told her. "He said they're on their way."

A stall door opened and I recognized the girl that exited. She was from my art class. She was pretty but would have turned heads if she wore a little makeup and ditched the huge glasses that hid her blue eyes.

"I love those beautiful sculptures that you made in art class," I said to her.

"Thanks," she said and blushed.

She looked at me with a sort of awe as if I were a movie star, which I kind of was. The movie star of "Lakeland High." I smiled at the girl.

"Hi there," Maddie said to her. "I think I know you. Your name's Nicole, right?"

"Yes."

"I almost forgot," Nicole said. "Julianne, would you possibly have time to come to a committee meeting or two? I mean, both of you are invited."

"Which one?" I said.

"The one where we spread awareness about drugs and teen addiction. Next week, we have that trip planned to go to the grade schools in our district and give a talk about drug use. It would be awesome if you could talk to the kids and explain how you've handled high school and life in general without depending on drugs. You're a huge role model, you know." 

I felt like a traitor as I remembered when I'd thought about joining the committee. It had been right before I had started taking my anti-anxiety pills. 

"Oh sure, right. We can meet sometime and can go over the details."

"We'd love to help," Maddie said.

"Thank you so much, guys. I really appreciate it." Nicole replied.

Suddenly, I felt the familiar panicky feeling. I leaned my hands on the sink and took some deep breaths.

"Are you alright?" Maddie asked.

"Just cramps. That time of the month. I'll be out in a minute," I replied and headed into one of the bathroom stalls.

"See you in class, Nicole."

"Yeah, see you guys. I hope you feel better Julianne,"

Nicole said as she left the bathroom.

"Thanks," I called from behind the bathroom stall door.

"Hey, Julianne, I have some Pamprin if you want," Maddie offered.

"Oh, I have some too. Thank you, though."

"Sure," Maddie said.

I hung my purse on the hook on the back of the door and unzipped my purse. I fished out a bottle of pills. I held it in my hand and stared at the label for a moment.Prescribed to Julianne Steele. Take one tablet twice a day for anxiety. No one except my parents knew that I had severe anxiety. I hadn't even told Luke, and I had known him for almost a year and a half.

I took out the tiny bottle of Evian from the bottom of my purse and swallowed two pills. Two wouldn't hurt. It wasn't like I was addicted or anything. I stuffed the pill bottle back into my purse, underneath my brush, makeup, and phone. I took a deep breath, flushed the toilet and came out of the stall.

"Sorry I took so long. Let me just wash my hands." I soaped and rinsed my hands then wiped them with a rough paper towel.

As we walked out of the restroom, and to the area that encircled the dance floor, a girl bumped into me and I dropped my purse. I had forgotten to zip it and now everything lay scattered on the ground. As I knelt on the hard floor and started to pick up the mess, the girl apologized and she and Maddie started to help me gather up everything. Small, white pills dotted the ground.

When I looked up, I saw Luke and Brandon headed our way. I felt cold horror as I glanced back down and watched the pill bottle roll too far away for me to grab it.

What would people think of me now? Would my reputation be ruined? What if no one understood that I had severe anxiety? Would they just assume I was a druggie? Would they think I was a fake? A liar? 

No!  I wasn't a druggie. I tried to block out the thought of being judged.

I thought back to this morning at the pharmacy. I always dreaded picking up my refill and there was always a line. Usually, my mother picked it up or I used the drive-through window. 

This morning I was home alone without a car, so I walked the four blocks to the drugstore. I took my place in line behind an older lady. I watched her feet shuffle up to the counter. She was wearing pink bunny slippers. Who wears slippers in public?

I tried to imagine myself thirty years from now, going out in public and looking odd. My hair was in a sloppy ponytail and I wore strange clothes. 

This version of myself pushed her shopping basket down the aisles, tossing in frozen dinners, soda, and maybe wine. Oh, and bread. The good bread, the still warm bread wrapped in paper, not the kind wrapped in plastic that sits on the shelf.

As I pushed my basket into a checkout line, a fashionable teenage girl was looking at my feet.

I looked down and saw my fuzzy, polar bear slippers.

Stop staring at me. I'm not a freak,  I thought.

When an older man bumped into me from behind with his basket, I was jerked out of my daydream, back to waiting in the pharmacy line.

"So sorry, young lady."

"It's alright," I tried to smile at him.

I was impatient as I had to hurry and get ready for the dance. It took me a whole afternoon to get ready. I tapped my foot as the lady ahead of me asked the pharmacist endless questions. I heard her ask something about voices with her new medication.

Feeling ashamed, I tried to stop eavesdropping and my mind wandered again to the memory of my odd aunt. When I call her odd, it's not in a bad way; it just means she's different. When I was a little girl, my Aunt Emma had taken me shopping. It was near Christmas. I remember the day clearly. I even remember the song and some of the lyrics that played over the store intercom. "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas...It's the best time of the year..."

I trailed behind my humming aunt in my cashmere coat. People would stare at us. Some smiled and some whispered as we walked by. My aunt was wearing a mini skirt, halter top, and rhinestone high heels, but no coat even though it was 40 degrees outside.  

I adored her. I thought she was so ladylike and beautiful.

Aunt Emma had been piling frozen turkeys into her cart when the manager walked up to us. She started to cry when the manager said she couldn't buy 15 turkeys. She called my mom on her cell phone. Someone had called the police and they came before my mother had time to get there. They found Aunt Emma sitting on the dirty floor of the baking aisle, talking to someone who wasn't there. I was standing next to her trying to see what she was seeing.

Now, ten years later, I sighed, wondering why I lost touch with her as the pharmacist said, "Next."

I paid for my medication, took the bag from the pharmacist and said thank you.

As I walked home, I knew I had to see my aunt. She was in a mental hospital but my parents called it something nicer. I imagined how I would give her a huge hug and make up for lost time. I thought about how I would be a better niece. I would love her but I wouldn't judge her.

I smiled as I unlocked the front door to the house and walked in.I set the bag down and looked up the phone number of the hospital. I would see her next week. She would love to hear about the dance.

*****Back at the Dance*****

Suddenly, I was back in the humiliating position of being on my hands and knees on the floor at the school dance. I saw the pill bottle still rolling. I watched Luke's shiny dress shoe gently stop it. Luke picked the bottle up, looked at my name on it, and handed it to me. His handsome face looked confused but concerned. He started helping me pick everything up. 

A crowd of kids had gathered and started whispering, but Luke, Brandon, and Maddie tried to block their view as much as they could by encircling me, but I still heard them talking about me as if I were invisible.

"What were those white pills all over the ground?" 

"Who knows. Probably uppers or downers."

"You mean drugs?"

"Yeah, dumbass."

"She's so together. Why would she take drugs?"

"How should I know?"

Principal Jensen walked over to us and cleared the crowd. He told them to go back to dancing. Then he asked if I was okay and continued around the dance floor monitoring dance moves.

Luke and I stood up.

"I never knew," Maddie said, shocked and surprised. She looked a little hurt.

"I'm so sorry guys. I just-I didn't want anyone to know." I felt a tear slide down my cheek. Furiously, I wiped it away.

"Hey," Luke's voice was gentle. "It's okay." He put his arm around me.

I brushed the dust and dirt from my dress.

"Are you alright?" Brandon asked.

Maddie looked upset. "My best friend since seventh grade kept a huge secret from me. You didn't trust me, Julianne and that really hurts."

She looked at me sadly and led Brandon away to dance.

"Let's go outside and get some air," Luke said. He gently put his hand on my back and guided me through the crowd.

Outside the gym, there were a few other couples talking and getting into their cars.

Luke and I walked over to an empty bench and sat down. The cool, night air felt good after the stuffiness of the gym.

"Are you cold?" Luke asked.

"No, I'm fine."

"Sure."

We sat there on the bench for a few minutes until I broke the silence.

"I'm so sorry, Luke."

"For what?"

"For keeping this secret from you."

Luke said, "Look at me."

I felt so ashamed and wanted to look away but I couldn't. Then I started crying like a dork.

"Hey, don't cry."

"Aren't you mad at me?"

"No. But I'm a little hurt that you kept this from me. You need to understand that you can tell me anything. You need to trust me. Also, you worry too much about what others think, Julianne. You focus on the outside when you need to look inside."

"I know." I looked down.

Just then, some guy and his pals walked by snickering. They looked our way and one of them said, "Hi, Freak Girl."

Another guy yelled, "Julianne Steele, the druggie! No wonder you're the most popular girl in school. You're probably a dealer to the stoner crowd."

Luke jumped up, got in the guy's face and told him off. Luke is one of the sweetest people, it was so weird seeing him so protective and defending me, but I liked it. When he sat back down he apologized for losing his temper and took my hand in his.

"I know it must have been lonely keeping such a secret. I know you sometimes worry I'll dump you but you need to stop thinking that. I really like you, Julianne. I like what's on the inside. I've seen you put on this 'cool' front and you strive to make everyone like you, but you don't have to try so hard. Just be yourself."

After hearing him say that, it made the tears fall again. Luke handed me his handkerchief. I dabbed at my eyes.

"I like you too. A lot."

"You want to back inside?"

"No. I can't face Maddie or anyone else. Anyways, my best friend is so ticked off at me. I think she hates me."

"If she's a true best friend, and I think that she is, she'll come around. Just give her some time. C'mere."

Luke hugged me close and kissed my forehead. We held hands and sat in silence for a little longer until a voice interrupted us.

Maddie stood there. "Julianne, can we talk?"

"I'd like that," I said.

Luke said he would go hang out with Brandon for a while.

"Thanks," I smiled up at Luke. "Thanks for everything." He smiled back and walked into the gym.

Maddie sat down next to me and sighed. "I'm not angry anymore. I was just so mad that you didn't  feel you could count on me enough to be able to talk to me."

"I'm really sorry I kept such a secret from you, Maddie.

Truly."

"I know. I forgive you. I just wish you would have talked me. I want you to know you can talk to me about anything. At any time."

"I was worried about what you would think of me just...sometimes I feel like I can't live up to anyone's expectations and I feel like I must hold everything together."

"Julianne Steele, I'm your best friend and we might not always agree, but I would never think badly of you, or judge you. Do you get that now?"

I half smiled. "Yeah, I get it."

"You are the strongest person I know but you worry too much about being popular. If someone doesn't like you, it's their loss. Also, your moment of fame or infamy is being stolen by Chantal." She grinned.

"What happened?"

"She was caught with a tiny bottle of liquor in her dress. When she started doing her crazy dance moves again, it fell and broke. You should have seen Principal Jensen."

I laughed. "Poor Chantal."

Maddie said, "Let's go back in and see what we missed."

As we were about to open the gym doors, Maddie gave me a quick hug.

"You're my best friend and you're like a sister to me, Julianne. Don't you ever forget it.

"I never will."

Author's Note

Any feedback is welcome and thank you for reading.

Reviews

[Karen Redburn]

Jennifer, I thoroughly enjoyed this well written story. It is so hard for young people, older people also, to live up to standards created by Hollywood.

The conversations were very genuine which made the flow easy to read.

The only criticism I can offer at this time would be a reminder to use a comma before the word "but".

I'm thinking this might be a good full length story, I would love to learn more about Julianne and her friends!

[Jennifer]

Oh, thank you so much for the review.
Another friend said to make it a full length story also. I may do that and I really appreciate the feedback.

Thank you!

[A.C. Jones]

love this....i really felt the characters and the situation is so poignant. Great job!

[Jennifer]

Hello and thank you so very much. I'm glad you could really feel the characters. I appreciate you reading and commenting. :)

[Done]

I loved this. How many of us have had the embarrassing moments of being shown we are just human underneath the facade of the masks we try to wear around everyone? Bravo.

[Jennifer]

Hello. Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I really appreciate it.

I remember feeling very out of place in high school so maybe it translated a bit into the writing, haha. I know most people do feel out of place then, at that age.

I am glad the feelings came across.

Thanks again.

[Justin]

that was incredible jennifer!!! i was able to picture everything in my head!!! the most popular person might have the biggest issues then wat ppl see, they see the outside of that person instead of really wat is going inside that person, sometimes the person who might come across stuck up and all that is sometimes is the most amazing person but they are seen a different way!!!! amazing job jennifer :)

[Jennifer]

Hi, Justin.
Thank you so very much for your kind words.
Yes, I agree, sometimes we only see the outside of a person and not the inside/what is going on with them.

Thank you for your review and I hope to get to know you better!

[Justin]

your welcome, same here, i want to get to know u better jennifer :)