I really want to tell you everything

how many times is too many times to talk to you 

i’d tell you every thought if i could

like groundhogs they dip in and out of my brain and i just want you to know it all

but i know you have things to do 

i know what you want isn’t always me 

but 

what i want is always you 

with some other things mixed in too

i have thoughts about you constantly 

though there are so many more memories to be made 

and we haven’t even flipped the first page 

i think of your strong and textured back that i love to scratch 

i think of moving your head up and down as i breath 

and kissing your hairline because i just can’t help myself 

i think about shifting under your gaze- 

you hold it on me for i don’t know how long

you laugh while i smile

i crumble underneath the weight 

because i’m not used to it 

that’s my favorite part though

you’re a piece of art 

made to make me uncomfortable in the best way 

and you make me think 

oh lord do you make me think 

but sometimes when you’re not here 

i think again 

am i strange? 

i retreat back into my cage like a losing dog 

feeling battered 

it feels like i only believe what you tell me 

when you tell me i’m beautiful and mature and deep and sophisticated and artful and excepting and intelligent and glowing 

you tell me that i glow 

you compared me to bubbles 

i felt it was true 

but my words hold no weight in the mirror

you told me that you were glad i share with you 

because so many people wouldn’t understand 

i don’t want you to take care of me, I don’t want to bring these emotions onto you

i want to be fair weathered 

and i don’t want to think of all the words that I would rather laugh than say

i want to be strong 

i want to have a story you have to pry out of me 

but i really want to tell you everything.