It Took My Entire Life to Write This Poem

It's been
Three years
Three months
And 19 days
Since the day I almost ended my own life
Since the day I almost forgot about all of my hope
All of my dreams
And everything I had worked towards 
Three years 
Three months
And 19 days 
Since I almost took out my father's gun 
And put it up to my head to pull the trigger
Since I was left alone for four hours to contemplate my own demise 
Since I was somehow saved by a wrongly forsaken friend
And remembered what exactly it was I was surviving for

It's been
Two years
Eleven months
And 364 days
Since I realized my life's meaning
Since I realized that I lived for art
I lived for creation 
I lived for new ideas, and indescribable feelings
I lived for freedom

It's been 
Five hours
And 49 minutes
Since I found out that everything I have been working for was worth something
Since I found out my dreams were going to be realized
And I was accepted to become apart of something bigger than myself
Since I found out I got accepted into the number one theater college in the nation
And every panic attack
Every tear 
Every night I stayed awake for hours in haunting fear of what was to come
Just slipped away
And I saw myself on the edge of the world
Embracing every struggle
Because even though it took 
Seventeen years
Ten months
Six days 
And four hours 
To get to where I am now
I couldn't be prouder of the battle I am still fighting
Because I'm still alive to fight it

Reviews

[sabine]

This poem is so powerful and moving! You did such a good job conveying both the pain of your past and the hope of your present and future. Thank you so much for sharing this poem, I know how difficult it can be to share something so personal and emotional.

[Coyote Poetry]

I do understand this poem. Two of my brothers committed suicide. I held a 30-30 and I was saved by a good friend.
"I couldn't be prouder of the battle I am still fighting
Because I'm still alive to fight it"
The above lines are solid and true. Thank you Jenna for sharing your words and thoughts.
Coyote