An Apology In Advance

I want to apologize in advance

Because I can't control my feelings for you

I can't stop writing about the way you make my heart pulse through my veins and yet stop beating all at once

And I know you're still confused and not used to the attention

But my pen is much better at voicing my confessions

Because when I'm with you I can't seem to speak

Or breathe

My feelings are as clear as your perfect skin

They're as complicated as the hazel pattern of your eyes

They're as passionate as your deep red lipstick I shamefully wish was on my lips too

You make me smile when I'm alone

Reading your messages on my phone

You've got this grip around my thoughts but you don't even know

That I think in song lyrics and poetry when I'm picturing you

When you said you just weren't sure, and I said I didn't mind

Darling, I was lying, it's really killing me inside

I said to take your time

Yet I'm being tortured while I wait

And I'm so sorry if I'm annoying, but your distance is destroying

You don't notice all the ways that you're teasing and you're toying

I thought my feelings were transparent

But to you, I'm still opaque 

My mother always says "You can't choose who you love"

Now more than ever I realize that she's right

At night I rack my brain, trying anything to get the image of you out of my mind so I can actually sleep for once

But you still haunt my dreams and every phase in between

You're a vision

A ghost 

That I can't seem to reach

I'm left without blankets on my bed freezing cold, wishing in vain that I could hold you in my arms

Because when I'm alone with you, I see all of your insecurities

And I want to erase them

I want to take your face in my hands and hold the truth that "You are worth all of this"

I would give voice to every time I was not able to speak and kiss your crimson lips

For I have never felt anything as explosive as your touch

Never wanted anything so much

Then to lace my shaking fingers between yours

It's just I don't mind being alone in a crowded room with you, and I've never heard a silence more beautiful than just knowing that you're there

I only need to know that you still care

Even though you might not feel this way too

So I'm going to apologize in advance

I'm sorry if I fall in love with you

Author's Note

This is my longest (spoken word) poem yet, so feedback is much appreciated! :)

Reviews

[DreamCatcher08]

Awesome. Incredibly raw and emotive. Somehow when I read it the second or third time, I actually found myself speaking with the same passion I imagined You would have while writing it. My favourite verse is the third, there was something brilliant about the way it flowed, and I really smiled when I got to the word "opaque" and realised how far back it's rhyming counterpart was. I liked that. I also feel that I must thankyou, as a poem you posted recently, "When You stare into the sun" (incredible name by the way) completely inspired me when I couldn't find it anywhere else, something about the way you described colour in the first verse really lit a spark somewhere in My cranium. So Thankyou. Keep up the good work!

[Jenna Kay]

Thank you so much for your review! Reviews like this really inspire me, so thanks so much! Glad you enjoyed it!!

[B. Boileau]

Sometimes the shortest verses say the most. Other times the message is better when it's written in length. This is one of those times. Beautifully written with a beautiful message. Thanks for sharing
bill