I Wish You

I wish you wouldn't treat yourself this way 
Because its not just you that's feeling all of this pain
You tear yourself apart, bone by bone, and God only knows I'm doing the same
I wish you could see me now
Sitting on the floor of my room
Drawing a picture of you from memory 
But I can't seem to draw you smiling
Because I know you aren't on the inside anymore
I wish you could see the way I look at you when you're lying on my shoulder
I wish you could look at yourself the same way
With love

Reviews

[viola]

Nicely done. In a very short time, I have a very clear picture of a scene and 2 people.
To make it even more powerful I would get rid of the connecting words at the beginning of lines, such as "But" and "Because." I don't think you need them, and they weaken the statements.
Nicely and emotionally written.

[Jenna Kay]

Thank you for your feedback! I will keep that mind for my future writing!

[Frantzuu]

Truly deep and mesmerizing words!

[Jordan Smith]

I loved the imagery you used in this poem. You really dug deep and pulled out your emotion which is a very good quality to have, not just as a writer but as a person as well :) Great job with this poem! I can't wait to see what you come out with next.

[hanir]

I feel you! We have our own wishes...but most of the time these wishes are just nothing but a huge ball of imposibility.
Nicely written!
😊

[Amy R]

has such meaning,
loved this!
keep writing!
~Amy

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the thoughts and the want in the words.
"I wish you could look at yourself the same way
With love"
The wishes can become dreams if we are lucky. Thank you for sharing your amazing poetry.
Coyote

[daninstockholm]

lots of emotion and tenderness in this piece. It's very open, which can be a downfall in a lot of cases, but not this time. It holds together because of the honesty.. well done!

[Evangeline]

This is the best description of a couple with mental illness I've found so far. Very well written, captures that odd longing and understanding a person feels when looking at their hurting friend.

[Jenna Kay]

Thank you! Depression is a nasty thing, and even though we are are both going through it, I can't stand knowing she feels the same way I do. She means too much. Thank you again for your review. It touched me haha!

[3X3MPLER]

this poem is well written, so much emotion.i like it