Dead On Arrival

So tiny. Didn’t stand a chance.

Blue.

Silence engulfs the room.

Coldness seeps through the latex,

Sears the skin, breaks the soul.

Wrapped in warmth, makes no difference.

Passed along to loving arms.

Bathed. Baptized by the salt water

Of her creators.

The ultimate fear realized.

Hopes and dreams rest in peace beside her.

A beautiful angel

Here for less than a second.

Dead on arrival.

Reviews

[Jenna Harding]

Thank you for your review, but I have to disagree with the 'quickly fade into a jumble of emotions'. When someone loses a child there is no set order for their emotions, they are 'jumbled', which was what I was trying to convey in the poem.

[Deanarrlack]

Like your other poem I reviewed, they start strong but then quickly fade to a jumble of emotions. The content is very strong, very sad, but can be even more impactful with some reworking of phrases and stronger sonic checks. For example, the poem starts out with a sort of beat but then it quickly turns into a repetitive shallow sort of sound. Again, good work but could use some restructuring. Thanks, Danny