Haunted

 

Violet eyelids grow heavy,

And fall with the sound of drums.

My fingers clench numbly,

Because they know my time has come.

I can no longer hear my hollow heart beat anymore.

My arm limply rises,

As I reach out blindly towards the dying light for you,

But oh! You just silently close and lock the door!

 

Don’t you know you’re trapping me off in this iron cage of darkness?

Don’t you know you’re locking me in for all the liquid, gold eyes to assess?

I feel the cold hands of winter frost teasingly trace my trembling skin.

I’m haunted by the shadows stalking me in the night.

I’m haunted by the chilling cloud of whispers binding me ever so tight.

 

I can smell the scent of suffer and the aroma of a torment I hope you never know.

I feel the sound of screams and taste the hint of harrowed tears—

Why won’t they leave me alone?

Twisted memories lay scattered and burning on the floor,

And silver webs of never-ending lies are tangled in my hair.

Outside my window the moon drips poison honey on the moor.

My voice is too strained from choking on fear to scream out for morning,

My hands too scarred from clawing at air to lift their hungry, heavy stares.

Reviews

[BelowABridge]

lots of description and imagery going on but not overly. it flows well and is really haunting.

I can smell the scent of suffer and the aroma of a torment I hope you never know.I feel the sound of screams and taste the hint of harrowed tears-Why won't they leave me alone?

I liked this part. I really enjoyed the emotions connected to sense of smell, touch, and tasting.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Very vivid and detailed imagery that really sticks with a person... if that was someone's nightmare I would say it was the subconscious telling them a relationship is holding them down... on the surface very erie and dark... you have a great creative style.

[Clockwork]

I think that your first stanza was the most organizes and sound in the piece. I liked the images, the poetic devices in the tone you showed early on. I would remove anymore from line five and make "arm" arms in line six.

I think that stanza two is where things began to drift a little however. I think the drifting begins specifically in line two. I think that asses could be changed to something else that maybe fits the tone of the piece a little more, although I recognize what you were going for with the rhyme.

I also believe that "suffer" should be suffering in the first line of stanza three.

Overall I did like the ideas that you had here, and I would very much like to see you take a look over the piece to tweak it a bit. Well done.

[Jess.]

"I can no longer hear my hollow heart beat anymore."

I really like that line, but it was hard to pick out because every line was great.
The emotions were easy to connect with, you described everything so well, and eveything flowed together so nicely.
Really good. :)