Pre-suicide

Before I commit suicide

So hard to go on,

So hard to vent,

So hard to write.

It's life all right.

So hard to fit in,

So hard to get up after you've been knocked down so many times.

I can't continue.

I don't want to anymore.

At least afterwards I won't have to get up anymore.

I don't want to live in a world that I hate.

If anything I just want to be left alone.

It's too hard to continue when all you want to do is rest.

I wish I could just end all the pain.

I act tough and just laugh it off.

Yet nobody knows the real pain and fear I constantly live in.

I'm all alone when it comes to suffering.

The worst part is that I'm too scared to make it go away.

I wish I were stupid.

Maybe then I wouldn't know the disatrous possibilities.

I wish I could sleep for a thousand years and wake up to a new life.

I could start all over and not have to worry.

Death seems to be the only solution.

Part of me wishes this would be seen before it's too late.

The other wishes for it to just happen quick and painless.

Please if you do find this let everyone knw that I have no regrets for anything and everything I have ever done.

I hated everyone, so I don't really care.

Just remember that although this is partly my fault I can and will always find somebody else to blame.

I vow here and now to work as hard as possible towards my goals.

No. Not killing myself, yet.

I will try to solve my problems otherwise,

But I really need to get away from here.

I guess thats why I love to read.

At least there I can get away from the humdrum of reality and the pain of life.

I would have somewhere perfect,

Where I would always be happy.

If only the knife-like comb in my pocke were real,

I could send this and then end it all.

Yes, I am that deep in the hole.

If I really did it then people would know the gravity of the situation.

I claim that I'm mature,

That I can take care of myself on my own.

However, I realize I'm not.

I;m still a little girl.

I want OUT!

Not just of this place, but of this life!

I always say that I will change,

But deep down I know that I never will.

Please, Oh, Please;

Somebody help me.

I can't do this anymore!

It's funny how I can comfort others,

But can't seem to bring comfort to myself.

I need to stop.

This isn't good for me.

Author's Note

I don't care what you say, I really don't. I'm not looking for reviews.

Reviews

[Treble]

A good friend of mine once told me... If you ever have loved to do anything, once you're dead, you can never do it again. Just keep that in mind.

[Kasey Miriam]

I lost a dear friend who took their own life and saved another im so sorry you poor dear

[Gina]

I miss you Andrea :'(

[Kadessa (Kaddy)]

wow...... i just want to let you know that even though life is hard, it will get better someday