Deflowered

   

The day had merely begun and it was already utterly dreary.  It seemed as though, that for every day of beautiful sunshine, there must be a day of gloom and immense precipitation.  Today was that day.  
    

I hadn’t slept a wink last night, and this wasn’t the worst of it.  Lynne wasn’t her usual self.  She was depressed, and she was whiny.  I prayed silently to myself that I had done nothing wrong.  Truly, I never intentionally screwed up.  Like that time when I’d forgotten our anniversary, it was finals that week!  Some slack, please?  Either way, I’d made up with roses and gourmet chocolate.  Thank God chocolate solves everything!  What was that website again…?
    

“Sweetie,” I said, trying to be soothing. “What’s the matter?”
    

“Nothing,” she said, which, in other words, meant that  I’d better go find that chocolate website before she killed me, because when girls say nothing they mean something, and it’s always left up to us to figure it out.  Why can’t girls just face the facts that guys will never learn, and save us the agony of backtracking every error we’ve made since the day we were born?  I was doomed.  I’d never figure this out…
    

“Please?” I said. “You know you can tell me anything.”
    

“Yes, I know, but everything’s fine, really.” 

 

No.  It was not fine, and she was going to tell me; sooner or later.
    

“All right, just know I‘m here for you,”  I said; it was simpler this way. “I love you.”
    

“And, I love you.” She replied, and kissed my cheek, but her heart was not into it, and I could tell.  Even being the stupid, ignorant guy that I was (insert sigh here), I could still see that something was wrong, even when she had said that she was fine.  I could feel it in her kiss.  Worse than that, she’d lied to me.  To me!  Did she believe so strongly that she could not trust me that she’d had to lie?
    

Momentary awkward silence passed between us, and then she left for class, and I just watched her walk away without turning back, praying that it wasn’t the last time she would kiss me, hoping that she had meant it when she’d said forever.  

      *
    

It’s almost ridiculous how these things can affect you.  For the rest of the day, I could not keep one ounce of concentration.   Everything, everything, related to her.  In my History class, one of the foreign exchange students read aloud from the chapter.  He’d said “Zen,”  I could have sworn he’d said “Lynne.”  For the first time in my life, I wanted to result to violence.  I wanted to punch him so hard his face shattered, and that wasn’t me.  What was happening to me?
    

Things weren’t any better at lunch, either.  Usually, we are all snuggly on our lunch bench and the monitors would come over to pull us apart, almost literally.  As for today, today was different.  Lynne sulked over her soup, and wouldn’t even let me make the usual smiley face with the oyster crackers.  Oh, the many ways in which we guys humiliate ourselves to make girls happy, and they don’t even realize it!  Taken for granted, we are!
    

Honestly, I was fighting an uphill battle.  I couldn’t recall any wrong-doings, there was amazing sex yesterday… It was amazing, wasn’t it?  Oh God!  I was terrible…
    

Great. Now, she had me sulking, and I don’t sulk. Ever.  
    

After school, I gave up the act of trying to console her; I confronted her.  
    

“Why are you being this way?” Okay, not the best start, I admit, but she was truly working on my nerves.  All I did was try to hold her hand, and I was completely rejected!
    

“I’m not being anything,” was all she could say after she’d glared at me.
    

“Yes.  You are.  I have never seen you this way!  You’re nicer on your period!  What the hell did I do?”  I didn’t usually swear, but she had really pushed my buttons this time.
    

She looked away and frowned, “You, you didn’t do anything… I don’t know why I’m being this way.  It’s just… I can’t do this…”
    

I was utterly, and completely speechless, “…Can’t do what?”
    

“Us.” She said curtly, like the word stung her tongue.  As my heart sank, my chest caved in.  I couldn’t breathe.  
    

 

“What…?”  It was all I could choke out, the lawn was starting to spin, I swear.

   

“I thought that I loved you, but I was wrong.  I don’t, and I never really did.  I’m sorry, Jamie.  I can’t do this.  I don’t want to lie anymore.  This was all a mistake.  I should not have let it get this far…”   And then she stormed out of the building, taking my heart with her.  I felt it ripped from my chest as she walked away.  It ached something awful there, in this gaping hole where my heart used to be. 

 

So, my Juliet was an actress... Damned Shakespeare!

 

Still, I knew that I would survive.  Only girls let their emotions cripple them, right?  I, yes, I, would be strong.
  

 I had no other choice.

  *
    

That night, sleep was hard to come by.  Again, Lynne haunted my dreams, in the unpleasant way this time, like a ghost.  Every time I closed my eyes, I could see her, and I could feel the hatred in her eyes.  What the hell happened?  Yesterday, she loved me.  Today, she hates me.  It doesn’t make any sense!  I wasn’t that bad, was I?  
    

The entire world felt as though it had completely spun off its axis, and was spinning deep into space, heading for some dark, malevolent star of disaster, never to return.  And me, I felt as though I had been punched in the gut, all of my organs bruised, pain radiating throughout my entire body.  My entire being was damaged, but I would not let this get the better of me.  This would not get the better of me…
    

Ugh, I even had a headache!  From thinking too much, I’ll assume.  No math problem had ever stumped me so steeply, and no grammar lecture had ever so thoroughly confused me.  Again with the ways in which I would never comprehend her!  They were always rubbed into my face…
    

There was only one thing that had gone right today, I thought to myself.  My parents had not caught on to anything.  Fortunately, I was able to fake some kind of influenza, at least to buy me some time.  My father, he would account it to last night, and my mother, she would become all mushy, and try to make her “comforting”  chicken noodle soup with the extra noodles for me, as if I were still six, and had just scraped my knee.  If only things were still that simple, that easy.  Now, scrapes and bruises were nothing compared to the pain of a broken, no, shattered heart.  Why must it be this way?  Why must fate be so cruel!
    

Sometimes, the loudest noises can be the most thought-invoking, while the purest silence can be the most deafening.  This was one of those times, and so I turned on my headphones, and let the music blare.  I let it consume my every thought.  Even the most seemingly inaudible lyrics were easily understood.  That’s when I heard it, those lyrics, searing their scar right into the hole, the hole where my heart had once been.  It was like this person knew me, like this person could feel my pain.  How could a band so far away, stowing away in California, know exactly what I was enduring right now, in this moment?  They could not, but the music could, and it was marvelous. 

Author's Note

I actually started this story a year ago back when I first started writing again.
It amazes even me how much the quality of my writing improved.
I want to revise this chapter more, but I'm afraid if I do it now, I'll lose some of the wit in Jamie's character. I apologize if this isn't quite up to par as my other pieces... I suppose it's showing its age... (laughs at bad joke).

As always, I appreciate your thoughts and criticism is always welcome, regardless!

Reviews

[Kaleidoscope Apocalypse]

Aha! I remember when the first chapter was originally written. Times spent in the Student Union, people-watching and revising and editing different writings. Ah, yes... Good times, good times.

I think that this is an interesting installment into Jamie's character. I'm a little concerned with how little we know about Lynne, but I'm assuming that is all part of the plan. You know what you're doing and I have faith in your writing ability!

I can definitely relate to the last paragraph; music really is an amazing bit of genius! I love it! It has helped me through so many things..

I still find this piece amazing; the fact that you could write from a man's perspective so well. I suppose it really is just a matter of role reversal, but you do it so flawlessly.

I'm looking forward to future installments in this piece, my dear! Keep up the good work!

Great work!

Always,
~Krysi