Revelations

A piece describing my innermost battle.

I.

Pulling at my heartstrings one by one,
How much do you think it’ll take
To get the job done?
How much more of this can I fake?

What do I have to do,
To make this go away?
Yet, somehow, because it’s you,
I’m wanting this to stay.

I don’t know what’s gotten into me!
Could it have been your heart’s confession?
My sense is fading, and straight, I cannot see.
Could this be, my heart’s regression? 

This cannot be possible!
I can never love again…
You’re making this possible…
But I don’t want to love again!

II.

Forgive me, father, for I have sinned.
I crossed my heart, and I hoped to die,
And here, you leave me, wondering why,
Just this once, won’t you answer my prayers?

I’m fading into the backdrop of this ghost town,
As the cinders of abandoned hope consume me.
I didn’t ask for this, you know.
I only wanted to be left alone.

But no, you couldn’t just let me be.
You just had to crash right into my life,
Thinking you could set me free,
Like you could so easily end my strife…

But think again, father, the damage runs too deep.
The years have left me bruised and barren.
I have loved, and I have lied.
When will you leave me to suffer in peace?


III.

Hello there, my handsome Moon,
Shining down on me through the clouds.
Awaken me, from this nocturnal torment;
I can’t stand to sleep any longer…

Oh, but I am so weary,
With this throbbing pain in my chest,
This rampant ache in my bones,
And the unrelenting shivers and shudders…

You’re too young for such afflictions,
My reflection tells me, shouting through the mirrored glass.
Perhaps, but if this is so,
Why must they plague me most unremorsefully?

All I ever asked for was a warm place by the fire,
And a home of which, to call my own.
Yet, I all receive are gift-wrapped packages,
Of false affection and self-denial.

IV.

He sheds a tear, a tear for me,
And it falls from his eye like a disgraced star,
Singeing the heavens in its sinister scorn,
Laughing mockingly at my naive bewilderment.

“It’ll be okay,”  He says, flatly.
He’s taking advantage of my pity.
Almost rueful, he knows I don’t believe him,
And he knows I’ve got no reason to.

Pondering the visage of the nightmare,
I can’t help but ask myself,
Why I can’t lock these memories away!
He is not him, he is not the same!

Even so, like a puppeteer, the past owns the stage,
And I, the loyal marionette, follow his lead,
Forever letting love break my spirit.
Why did this have to happen… again?

Author's Note

This piece would not be what it is without many factors: my past, for bugging the hell out of me, Krysi, for supporting me, Nathan, for giving me a brilliant format inspiration with his poem, Bones; Half Lived, Robin, for his remarks about the Puppeteer, and Yoshi, for her awesomeness!

Thank you, and I love you all!

Reviews

[Kaleidoscope Apocalypse]

You are most welcome, my dear. I love you, too!

The only thing I can say that I have a problem with is this line,

"And it falls from his eye like disgraced star," Can you see why? I'm sure you do.

Wow. That rhymes. It was unintentional, too, but I like it.

This piece is simply and irrefutably amazing! I love the way you've written each piece, the way the flow into one another and compliment each other. Your words are beautiful, and they strike deep within the soul. I'm sure we all have thought about this very same thing before. All have asked "Why?" a time or two, and more than once probably regretted falling..

Do not let the past overcome you though, for you are stronger than it is and I know you will do well in life, and in love. We're both so young, we have so many years ahead of us, don't give up just yet; better days are on their way.

This was a brilliant write, love. I greatly enjoyed reading it and I'm so happy you posted it for everyone to see.

Again, I love you dearly.

And I'm always here for you!

[Dayzee]

This is a beautiful piece, it's easy to relate to, and wonderfully written.
I came across it at just the right time in life.
Thank you.

[[untitled]]

Whew! POWERFUL! And, simply brilliant, in every aspect. I see so much of myself in these words, as I'm sure many other's do, as well.

It's amazing how writing can be our best therapy. I applaud the strength it must have taken you to write this poem.

The next time you look in the mirror, I hope you see the reflection of a beautiful soul, with a talent that can move the largest of mountains.

Brava!

[Heartless Breaker]

Your welcome...though how my "awesomeness" helps you, I may never know.
I loved the poem, it's easy to empathize with.
Don't forget, you own your past, therefore, you control how it affects you.
Hope you stay well while I'm away!
Much love,
Yoshi

[Cardinal Robin]

I like the encryption decryption you have floating in your wit (at all times, uh huh) and here it is somewhat contrite/vulnerable...vulnerability is your cure and the sign you crossed the river Styx..LOL
Anyway the structure and flow are promising..you are similar to me in that as you approach your truth in metaphor you switch pace or idea or feel...do you ever notice how some of your sound bites are not quite there yet? (from a writer's side)...
I love how God left you the answer to your own salvation in the neat parcel/synopsis of your last stanza, if you intended this you really are a criminal mind...LOL
Excellent work, telling as are all your words with me...:)

[Helen Woodward]

Great format Raye, beautifully set out. Your content is mind boggling/thought provoking. You wear your heart well and truly on your sleeve and pour out the woes that concern most people. The 'puppy dog' syndrome...follow the leader is well-expressed...and your perception shines...the leader is always the dominator...the oppressor. I thought bringing the confessional into this was fabulous and a nice touch.
Helen xxx

[Adela Muresan]

I like your elaborate revolt for the curse of love once again embracing your being.

The last part is particularly beautiful, him words flowing into the soul and the beauty of love being reflected along with the awareness of the following pain.

Wonderful write :).

A.M.

[Raja]

fANTASTIC! This is the question of everyone, and you ask this on our behalf. Superb poem.

Thank you.

Raja.

[WordMaster]

Your first two paragraphs are outstanding; they take hold of the reader and keep him/her spellbound until the end

Well crafted and excellent word selection, with just the right pace

Wonderfully done

[ElJays Nicholas]

Raye? I feel this in the core of me. I'm sure the poetry is therapeutic and cathartic to some extent. It is always better to release than to harbor the bitterness of such an event and allow it to fester. I know it is therapeutic for me to write about my inner struggles. We are a small percentage of people who are highly emotionally charged, so things of this nature are never easy to dissolve. Fortunately, we are also highly perceptive and can see the kind of damage of we do to ourselves by holding onto things which can only harm us. This is what's most beautiful about your poetry, I believe -- that no matter how painful it is to write, there is a healing element involved simply by sharing. Is it a cure? I wish I could say yes! The past is always there to haunt us. I, of all people, can attest to that. The blessing is that each moment equals new potential, and each moment truly is a new beginning in more ways than we can fathom. The more we can let go of the past, the greater is our opportunity to create and to feel the beauty of the present. Much love to you, dear Raye.....