Whispers

Simply indescribable.

Raven-haired beauty--
How dost thine copious ringlets shine dull?

Cerulean-eyed tragedy--
How dost thine perception waver?

Epitome of elegance--
How dost thou be so senseless?

Prophetess of truth--
How dost thou remain in silence?

Cinematic disaster paints the skies--
Honeys of black and blue.
Twine of lead and iron--
Impale her being.
Sheathing her with impetuous death.

Whispers in the air--
Chanting:
“Spare her, spare her…”

A fiery maelstrom encircles--
Encompassing,
Eddying…

And at last they relent,
The embers ease away.
Preparing,
For another day.

In the clearing,
She is gone--
Not one shard spared.

Her snowy ashes--
Sinuous and free,
Lullaby in the wind.

A crowd gathers--
Mourning their martyred bride,
Tears in their eyes.

And I beg of thee,
Weep not for her heart.--
But for her life;
As she did love wholly,
And she did lose entirely.

Author's Note

Don't be afraid to tell me what you think!

Reviews

[Kaleidoscope Apocalypse]

Wow. I don't know if I could find a word that really describes how amazing this poem is. You've done a BRILLIANT job with this poem. Your imagery is amazing; you've painted a gorgeous painting in your readers' minds. I love the style in which you wrote this poem, it draws the reader in, capturing their attention and making them yearn for the rest. I couldn't pull myself away from this piece! It is extremely well done and I adore it whole-heartedly. There is such beauty, such tragedy, such feeling in this writing, it completely swept me off my feet!

[Cardinal Robin]

i think this poem is entirely and wholly wonderful! It is a relentless fiery maelstrom that spares us not one impetuous shred of disinterest! Awesome write of hyperbolic grandeur!

[Cristal Reviewess]

Beautifully written

[ShanZ-Turn]

Very simply, it took my breath away.

Weep not for her heart.--
But for her life;
As she did love wholly,
And she did lose entirely.

I thought this was just a beautiful sentiment and a perfect way to end this piece.. I loved it, thank you for sharing it.

[Windy]

i totally agree with "BreakingDawn", you did an awsome job here. Way to go, you are a great poet. Windy

[Fran Marie]

I love it !! the verse in olde english ~ and has wonderful old world feel to it ~ Very well exppressed and wonderfully penned~Fran Marie

[Vincent Weathers]

This piece is quite interesting to me. It actually reminds me of my "Tower" piece. Its imagery is very strong, and possibly it can have an interesting homophonic translation as well.
The language sounds a little bit tricky, especially to write, but that gives the piece its flair---Its like, dark and visually effective. It sounds painful---actually.

My question is, Why is it centered? Why is every line capitalized? With capitalization on every first word puts emphasis on those, where it could be read just fine without the capitalization.
Otherwise, you've done a great job on this piece.

[SM Davis]

Mechanically, In the beginning, meaning the first two verses...thou should be thine. You are talking about something she possesses which would be a noun. Thou means you thine means yours. You have a few tense transpositions. Old English language is much like a romance language in tense and verse structure.

just for an example:

Senseless dost thine perception seem...(just as an example)...

Now, as to content. I loved it! You've taken the concept and feeling of the old english and have perfectly conveyed the feeling. I loved the pentamic rhythm and the feeling as a whole of this write. You've got the feeling down perfectly. The mechanics will come.

My only suggestion is for you to read some of the old english poets to see how they structured their poetry. I'm giving 100 daisies for the feel of the poem. Mechanics, anyone can learn, the feelings of the words, cannot be learned...one either has the ability to convey to the reader or they don't. YOU DO.

[Nithin.R.S]

Really awesome.The beauty of death is that its makes one immortal from a mortal.How hard we pray to spare ,one day everyone has to go to that world.Yes everyone cries on death.But sometimes its hard to understand,is all really mean it.Only the closest feels the loss,its better to be calm.The deceased lived n loved a beautiful life,the best farewell is to give a non tearful one..good poem.

[Kara Emily Krantz]

I tend to agree with everyone else's reviews...

"And at last they relent,
The embers ease away.
Preparing,
For another day." - the flow there was perfect, as it basically was thruoghout the whole piece- i just loved that part, it stuck out to me

"Her snowy ashes--
Sinuous and free,
Lullaby in the wind."

that was my favorite :)

intense read, lovely and dynamic imagery. :) great job

[gingerpress]

Beautiful imagery!