It Couldn't Be Forever

This is for a man who has my heart, but will never know it, because it simply cannot be.

 

His ebony eyes lock with mine.                Her emerald eyes lock with mine.
It is then, that I know                             It is then, that I know
I have found my heaven.                          I have found my heaven.

 

His golden skin,                                       Her ivory skin,

Hot, beneath my hands.                            Soft, beneath my hands. 

  

                          I will savor this moment forever.  

                          
His hair, dark as night, glistens above me.  Her auburn tresses tangle beneath us.
It is then, that I know                                It is then that I know
I have found my sanctuary.                         I have found my sanctuary.
 
His sensuous kisses,                                   Her fervent kisses, 

 Ravenous, with passion.                             Ardent, with devotion. 

  

                           I will savor this moment forever.      

                     

His sinewy hands intertwine with mine.    Her longing hands bid me farewell.  

It is then, that I know                               It is then, that I know

This is for the last time.                           This is for the last time.

 

                          Even though we’d said forever,                                  

                          We knew it would not last long.

                          For even a love so deep as ours,

                          Cannot withstand forever.  

Author's Note

I wrote this very late tonight, rather spontaneously, and it nearly brought me to tears to do so...

And I FINALLY got the format correct! ^.^

Reviews

[Kaleidoscope Apocalypse]

I find the way that you've written this quite nice. It shows both sides of the story right next to one another, which could symbolize something deeper within the characters and their emotions. The repitition of "I will savor this forever" helps to bring a sense of reality to the poem; who hasn't thought about something long after they shouldn't, and still liked it? I like the format, I like your choice of words and I can see the emotion quite vividly. This is a nice piece to add to your collection of work. Nicely done!

[S.J.Moore]

Oh my God!
It was really well written.
And the format actually helps it.
I love the fact that you get both perspectives.

[a Messenger]

I really like this. Beautifully expressive of the pleasures of love and the pain of parting.
I like the format as is. Alternating the thoughts of the lovers is nicely done.
A nice smooth flow with no rough spots to stumble over.
Great job Raye.

[Andrew Flisser]

This brings a perspective i have not seen in a while. that love isnt something that you can hold onto forever. it fades away into the distance.

nice read

~Wolf~

[Jeff Loquist]

The use of two separate voices makes this come to life. Very nice.

[Mr. Lopez]

I thought that you did a pretty good job for a poem that was written on the fly. Very few changes need be made. The joining of the soul and body also need not end.They say that nothing lasts forever but I am still trying to prove them all wrong . Excellent writing !

[justjenn_2u]

Very artistic layout of this poem! I love the two separate voices. These two voices give a nice insight.

His golden skin... Her ivory skin...
A delicate caress. Soft beneath my hands.

(These lines describe utter beauty to me.) Two different contrasts, so enticing!

Well penned. Going in my favorites!

[James Takeo Panton]

I always enjoy a good-lloking read as much as a well-written one....some changes in format as you mentioned are the only things this piece needs in my opinion (May I suggest to use different fonts as well as different colours for this "conversation"?)

[Sally Edwards]

OMG, this is stunningly beautiful, it made me shed salty tears, such heat, such passion,such love......sighhhhhhh, I love the way it is laid out, it adds to the poem, it melted my heart.

[JanMarie]

I love the way the poems intertwine, the "he said, she said" and "they said" works so well. You can see these two people looking longingly in each other's eyes. Very nice job. Only one suggestion -- "a love so deep as ours" -- the grammar there is a little troubling to this old English teacher. Would it weaken anything to say "as deep as," do you think?

[THERISA]

Love the presentation of the same poem told by two people, side by side. Each side feeding other, with the passion and love for the other. Sigh. Thank you for sharing this romantic and touching poem with us.

Therisa