It Couldn't Be Forever

This is for a man who has my heart, but will never know it, because it simply cannot be.

 

His ebony eyes lock with mine.                Her emerald eyes lock with mine.
It is then, that I know                             It is then, that I know
I have found my heaven.                          I have found my heaven.

 

His golden skin,                                       Her ivory skin,

Hot, beneath my hands.                            Soft, beneath my hands. 

  

                          I will savor this moment forever.  

                          
His hair, dark as night, glistens above me.  Her auburn tresses tangle beneath us.
It is then, that I know                                It is then that I know
I have found my sanctuary.                         I have found my sanctuary.
 
His sensuous kisses,                                   Her fervent kisses, 

 Ravenous, with passion.                             Ardent, with devotion. 

  

                           I will savor this moment forever.      

                     

His sinewy hands intertwine with mine.    Her longing hands bid me farewell.  

It is then, that I know                               It is then, that I know

This is for the last time.                           This is for the last time.

 

                          Even though we’d said forever,                                  

                          We knew it would not last long.

                          For even a love so deep as ours,

                          Cannot withstand forever.  

Author's Note

I wrote this very late tonight, rather spontaneously, and it nearly brought me to tears to do so...

And I FINALLY got the format correct! ^.^

Reviews

[Kaleidoscope Apocalypse]

I find the way that you've written this quite nice. It shows both sides of the story right next to one another, which could symbolize something deeper within the characters and their emotions. The repitition of "I will savor this forever" helps to bring a sense of reality to the poem; who hasn't thought about something long after they shouldn't, and still liked it? I like the format, I like your choice of words and I can see the emotion quite vividly. This is a nice piece to add to your collection of work. Nicely done!

[Ruby Moon]

this is lovely...
and you actually got the format...
i'll die just on the format alone

[Cardinal Robin]

"nearly" to tears...sad and happy bittersweet that the mind does not have any better recollection in 3D, then the memories would really be something! LOL
I like the structure and the dark romance of the epitaph nature in the structure and tone of this Love...
An ending without ending...lovely!

[Raja]

Hmmm!!!

Such a nice write and exotic search to reveal your heart. Reading, it seemed I saw an audio-visual track. I love it. The poem is quivering with life and flesh. This is your one of the best writes.

My dear I tell you frankly one thing, real love sometimes can withsatnd so many worldly pressures as well.

So, please do not cry and see the good side of the world with smiles.

Thank You.

Raja.

[Cristal Reviewess]

O this is good
i like the format even thoudgh it is a little messed up

[Gema]

i love the way it's set like in stages and i love the passion the love it shows well written x

[Katie A. Davis]

That's so sad :( It's sad how, as we grow up, the ice castles and happily ever afters are replaced with the reality of life and living. You presented both sides very well, hopes and dreams then shattering defeat caused by reality. Beautifully done!


One other thought, "Even though we'd said forever" would flow better with out we'd if it was just we because we'd is past tense, so is said. You don't need both in one sentence. Please feel free to ignore if you disagree. It's your work of art. :)

[blue2u]

This is amazing, you did bring me to tears for I have just experienced this. such a tragic loss, but nothing last forever.

[Irfan Shah]

A good poem. The innovative format of it echoing two voices is very nice. Good metaphors. There is one place, however, where I feel as if the voice is of just one person:

"A delicate caress. Soft beneath my hands."

The overall format is fine as it is.

[Blake Q Hatfield]

Excellent piece, very full of emotion! I love the style you used to do the poem, very creative!

[[untitled]]

I like the layout. Its good with the two voices. I like it. Good work