A friend, not a counsellor

Docken expresses his need for something 'more' than his friends, as he's bored with the same old routine. He then vists the guidance counsellor and lets loose on what he's been thinking about.

You can’t change who you are, but you can change what you are. Just think about that.

The bell rang for lunch. “Tuck in your you shirt Flut.” and then there was a little grunt, “Thank you.” and after that the headteacher went down the corridor. It was like he waited there right after 4th period had finished, and knew that Flut had art. Just to stand 10 meters away, just to wait about half a minute for Flut to arrive, just to say that and leave. I’m sure he just felt like being on Uniform duty but remembered something elsewear. “I’m telling you!” Flut jumped forward in front of us and started to walk backwards, “He has had it out for me since day 1”. The corridor was so cramped and loud, that it was rare you could walk at a pace you liked. I gave him this look, and he gave one back. “Do you remember when we had those inspector people look round the school for a week or so?”, I said this in a very patronizing way. He almost stumbled whilst walking backwards, he looked at weller and both their faces were wearing this really weird grin. “Yeah I do”, he put a hand up and Weller high fived him whilst they laughed about it. I started to laugh too, but tried to stop myself with saying “You nearly got him fired”, but I just kind of laughed the words too. “...Yeah I did..” and then they high fived again and started talking about it.

I don’t know why we find things funny. Everything we have, do or done, is down to evolution. Right? Our bark has been slowly chipped away by evolution. Now, this carpenter guy wants to give each piece it’s working on an equal fair chance. So naturally it chips away at the same places on each piece. Some people can handle their pure wood showing and others can’t. Just like most people are considered ‘normal’ by society and others aren't. As time goes on, evolution knows the best places to carve and cut and becomes more effective in crafting beings. But if evolution needed to change something, on a big scale, our society might not let it and that kinda scares me. Don’t get me wrong it would take hundred of years for it to change but it would. For instance, evolution might want to push us, see how far this organism can really go. I think it would want us to rely on nature more. So it might gradually start crafting more violent generations, so that slowly over time humans would be able to hunt for food and be adapted to survive just sleeping outside. But would our society accept these gradually more violent people? It’s much more likely they would blame it on the art they view such as music, games or books. The world we know today could easily be far more different in few hundred years and not in the way people are hoping. Honestly I don’t know why some people ‘handle it’ differently. If right from birth we are the same then why are some proned to be viewed as an a*****e due to their actions, and others praised and loved so much.

I had to go see the school advisor so when we got to the end of the corridor, I said I’d see them later and went in. The room was always dim lighted, there was a table with basicly the whole room on it, a seat, some leaflets and a window. I didn’t mind coming to see her, usually it was in lessons and I missed a fair bit of them. I’m still not exactly sure why I have to see her, what I’m supposed to get from it, or what she gets from it but I get to talk about anything and she listens and responds in the same manner, no matter what it is, I get a brake. I’m allowed a drink or something to eat, so she had quite a few biscuit selections and muffins, but I just wanted tea that day, because didn’t feel like eating anything like that. I was hungry, I just didn’t feel like eating biscuits or muffins, they looked so dry. It’s got to the point where I’ve seen her so much, I basicly continue my thoughts right when I sit down and sip my tea. I’m always thinking and sometimes it’s normal stuff, but I decided to briefly catch her up on what I’d been thinking about and then continued more.

“Actually, I think I do know. It’s how we’re raised. I mean, as a kid your parents are you’re best friend. Their views becomes your views and you don’t even know it. No baby is born racist, and no future terrorist is born wanting to kill people and I’m pretty sure it’s down to what they are exposed to as children. If their parents don’t like black people chances are their brains will be wired to just not like them either.” She tried to say something when I got to racism and terrorist, but I just kept going to try and make my point. “The reason I bring these two negative things up so bluntly is because nobody else will. I’m not being offensive to either one, or to anyone hearing this and yet someone will have a problem with it. The thing people forget about it is, that teachers and friends of parents also raise their children. Just think about that.” And she did. She really did. She slumped into her chair, picked up a muffin, the white double choc chip muffin, with two fingers took a chunk off, and looked out the window whilst eating. I felt like we were good friends by this point, normally it’s more of a two sided conversation, but I felt like talking, and I guess she felt like listening. She started to write something down, and she picked up her coffee and turned to me. She just looked at me, waiting for the next line of syllables to trickle out of my mouth.

“Also, kids who are exposed to better things should have better views and become better people right? But that doesn’t always seem to be the case. I think we need that dark bitter stuff in our lives even as children. I think it shapes our character, helps us, if not enables us to appreciate the good thing. If we are aware of the dark things, our body’s should become more numb to it overtime. But that also takes away part of life. But then that also depends on what you consider life has to consist of. I’m not sure if thinking about this does any good, because I know there is no right answer. We are here, alive and not even appreciating any day of it, and the hardest part of it all is taking another breath.”

I had more to say, but I wanted to stop there. See what she had to say. She took a breath, about to speak, and just drank some coffee. I started looking at the pamphlets on the wall, to just kill time until she could respond. “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like you.” She was looking at me strange, and I didn’t know if I liked it or not, I guess I was looking at her strange aswell, I’m not sure. “You know, most kids I see just complain about the overdose of work they get, or their friends that aren't their friends, and then then next day are friends you know? Or the kids that just hate school, or hate teachers or the potheads.” My eyes widened when she said that, and I think she noticed. She just wore this little smirk for a while whilst continuing, I guess she wasn’t really worried about that. “My point is, I never know where I stand with you, some days you barely say anything, somedays you just talk to me, and even then it’s at such a greater defined capacity than anyone I’ve really met, student or adult. You know some days you just make me scared about what you really, really think about and you don’t even...don’t even do it in way where you want praise for thinking about these things, like it’s just a normal conversation to you. You don’t even realise you’re saying these profound things. Not alot of people can think like you. I don’t think I...You are meant for something. Please don’t be the guy that blocks his own shot.”