Sonnet 1 (Shakespearean Style)

I just finished writing this, trying to use Shakespeare's sonnet style.

I always find a wonderful surprise

When I am snared by my one lovers trance

When I gaze in your perfect hazel eyes

I find a surprise of such permanence.

There shall never come a day we’re apart

There will not be a day I leave your side

For, you shall always have my beating heart

You are mightier than the ocean’s tide

But, we will also always be equal

We have always respected each other

Our relationship is always tranquil

I feel bad for the others that suffer

   For they do not comprehend our pure love

   My lady, my beautiful perfect dove.

Author's Note

Please tell me what you think, this is my first attempt to follow the A-B-A-B-C-D-C-D-E-F-E-F-G-G rhyme scheme with the 10 syllables per line standard.

Reviews

[LisetteCanWrite!]

Full of faith and the strength of devotion.. who needs an army when you have that one perfect person to stand strong next to? This was really nice.. admiring the love you share yet not gloating but incorporating the fact you feel badly for others that are not as lucky. A love of a lifetime is very hard to find.. and priceless.. you can see this passion through the windows of much of your work for the one you love. Very rare and I do hope it works out your you both! Great work.

[deeps]

This is wonderful and so sweet.
I like this alot. I enjoy the form it is written in.

[Bette]

i like it, you hit it on the head. sweet words.

[Natalie.]

Very sweet. I really really like it! I've been experimenting with poem structure as well. It's interesting how changing the setup of words can embellish their meaning so greatly.

[Jeff Miller]

I also tried to have a volta/turn in the 9th line