Rave Days

Older piece recapturing of my misspent youth

A sea of bodies pressing into an ocean of dreams

Captivated by the tracing neon lights in a darkened room

Hypnotized by a collaboration of man and machine

Materializing baseline and beats

 

Losing a vanishing grip of an imaginary authenticity

Finding pure ecstasy in this chemical ecstasy

Tonight I stitch these eyes close

Tape this mouth shut

 

I don’t want to know

Nothing but the sounds

Paralyzed in the enigmatic

Lucid truth of it all

 

Pounding rifts in my mind

As the D.J. spins it one more time

I continue to keep on Rollin

So I can feel utterly real

 

Becoming one with this

Room of living dead fools

Liberating myself to this

Symphony of lights and sounds

 

As my body breaks free

And I start to believe

This body in motion

Can not, will not be contained

Author's Note

Older piece recapturing of my misspent youth

Reviews

[Linda Crawford Ortiz]

Rob. A few corrections, small but needed: stitch the eyes close(d); Nothing but the sounds should be anything but the sounds; Liberating FROM or SURRENDERING to--this/symphony...

Other than that...even an old woman like me feels the freedom of one at a rave--yes, I understand where you're coming from, but only because i watch a lot of tv and I am a film buff. But--tho' I was never and would never...I feel the excitement of such a hypnotic event. I can nearly hear the bass and see the lights as they keep the rhythm to the beat. This is quite the exciting descriptive write!!!

[Erotic Goddess]

Becoming one with this
Room of living dead fools
Liberating myself to this
Symphony of lights and sounds

OH MY GOODNESS!! I have never been to a rave but after reading this I am SO GOING TO ONE NOW!!

This was great. I love dancing and this made me want to get out of a dancefloor somewhere. Thank you for moving me! I am so going out this weekend! :) Wonderfully well written. I could feel the movement in the piece....

[No Longer Here]

I have never been to a rave before but from this poem I have an idea of what one would be like.

I love the description you used in this piece and all of the images that were created in my head by your words. It game me two storylines. Well I don't how to elaborate on that so try and make sense of it if you can.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Alright i can see your youth coming out. Hey your youth is about having fun and thats what this sounds like so i wouldnt say it was misspent.

[JR]

I like this... it's like being caught up in nostalgia and being pulled along for the ride. I wasn't much of a rave person, but I can remember the few I went to by reading your vibrant imagery. Like everyone else, I love the lines, "Tonight I stitch these eyes closed / Tape this mouth shut..." This is incredible visual, and I like the feeling of giving in these lines inspire. Kick a*s.

" Losing a vanishing grip of an imaginary authenticity." I'm not crazy about that because there seems to be too many adjectives... "vanishing" and "imaginary" seem to be too close together, and it makes this line a little bit difficult to get through in the brain. Maybe losing one or the other would make it better, or maybe it's just me. Read through it again and see what you think.

"Finding pure ecstasy in this chemical ecstasy." Repeating "ecstasy" that close together just reads badly. I know what you were trying to say, that you found ecstasy in a drug, but this is rough. How about dropping the drug name? Something like, "Finding pure ecstasy in chemicals," or, "Finding pure ecstasy in chemical form." Maybe that would work better and avoid the repetition that takes power away from the line.

Also, I think some of your line breaks towards the end happen in unnatural ways... maybe you could re-break them so you end on more "powerful" words, words that carry the eye on to the next line. Notice:

"Becoming one with this
Room of living dead fools
Liberating myself to this
Symphony of lights and sounds."

I would suggest re-arranging it to something like:

"Becoming one
with this room
of living dead fools
Liberating myself
to this symphony
of lights and sounds."

"This" tends to be a weak word, and you could really punch this up by re-breaking it.

I hope some of this helps. I really enjoyed the trip (pun intended) that this poem took me on. It's very visual... it grabs the reader and makes them pulse and thump right through.

[Morgan A Lynch]

Robert,
rollin you did a great job describing it in this poem.. great job on that.. yes we did do many stupid thing in our youth.. i can almost see a younger version of you on the floor with candy all over.. hehhehe... hold on hold on the word PLUR mean anthing to you??
well back on subject.. great flow, great lines.. just all around great...

[Www.prusite.com]

Well Robert,
Yes, your poem is Rollin...
The words, the rhythm...we could almost be taken high!
Personally, have been set free, free indeed.
Have fled from the Rave Days but give respect to yours ... for the style!

J 317

[Blue Cavalla]

Not much of a rave person to be fair... but after reading this maybe I should give it a go. I can identitfy with this from some of my drug and social experiences;

'Becoming one with this
Room of living dead fools
Liberating myself to this
Symphony of lights and sounds '

Perfect stanza. A great poem and another great spin on our modern world and antics.

Blue

[Steven Silvey]

I'll grab the Ex, you grab the glowsticks, and we'll hit the rave.

As far as the piece goes in the technical sense, it was perfect and needs no work.

Great job.

[Goodbyeguilt]

I've never been to a rave...the people who go there scare me. Hehehe.
However, I had a good idea of what it is like to go to a rave from reading this poem
I went to dances and stuff when I was younger but..not really raves.
I quite liked the imagery, especially the line 'ocean of dreams' because it is a line from one of my favourite dance songs!

Well done Robert!
Short but sweet.

GBG - Leah

[Michelle Ross]

Hmmm, you aren't per chance referring with this piece to doing extacy are you? If not it does a good imitation of it. If so, well done with capturing what it is like. It describes perfectly what I saw on the special The History Channel did on the history of drugs. At any rate, that's what I get from this piece is that it's someone's perspective who is on x.