Just Can't Get Right

My feelings as of lately, about myself and my searching to better myself. Trying to find my calling in life. Hope you enjoy

Driving all night
Wanting to see the sunrise
Before it’s too late
Needing to feel the relief of a new day 

in a new place
new chance to get it right
Looking into a rear view mirror
Seeing these eyes peer back at me
empty and lost
I break down and cry

knowing they belong to me

These open wounds into a battered soul

I awake to find it was only a dream
The reality that awaits
hasn’t changed
There is no escape for me
I feel so alone
trapped
A prisoner to my life
Why can’t I get it right
I pray day after day
For understanding why must I feel this way
Doesn’t seem the beings in the stars are listening
Turning a deaf ear to my cries
Gazing upon me with blind eyed stares

I roll out of bed, hating this man I am
Light a cigarette as the cold red glow
frames the dark shadows of my face
Choking back my rage
Self-loathing thoughts
Why can’t I be more

Loop’s in my head
Taking a deep drag
allowing the fire to rest in my lungs
So I know I can still feel

Looking to the floor

Knowing it holds a shallow grave

for the stranger I have become

 

Once again I start the continued death march

Known as my day

My stomach in knots

At the very thought

of one more day

Suffocating in the very air I breath

 

Emptiness fills me

As I look into the mirror

Fighting back my tears

I want to just break down and cry

Seeing this near lifeless form standing there

Numb

A void breeding within me

Longing to be filled

To have a purpose or meaning

I just can’t seem to find my escape

I just can’t seem to get it right

Today or ever

Pressing my hand to the mirror

Hoping in some way

To find the answers I’ve prayed

standing there right in front of me

Wishing I knew the key

To unlocking a better me

 

Reviews

[R J Askew]

Strong stuff. Raw emotion. Paints a clear picture of anguish and yearning for some indefineable otherness of self. A psychiatrist might search for chemical imbalances or some such, or put analyse the crap out of you over a thousand hours. But it just seems like you want to feel valued for something in you. This seems like a basic human need. You capture it with precision and I think zillions of people will identify with such moments of self-doubt. I don't think such feels are wrong or bad and I definitely DO NOT think they need curing in any way. I think they are an essential part of being human. Without such instinctive drives how would we ever achieve anything? You write great poetry which chimes with people. Strikes me that such positve creative action is a key to a better person for all who are lucky enough to be able to do it. Imagine the frustration of having the feelings you describe here and not being able to nail them to the page.

[Emily B]

Oh, Robert, our dreams are haunting us. You've found your calling. You know where it is. Scars and wounds and battered souls just make us more equipped to give. We are stronger for the trials and tribulations. Your words cut deep. But take a wider section. Dissect it further. We know the man you are.

[Rain]

I love the song so much it became a distraction. lol. I paused it. This is a great piece, showing the struggle to find out " Whats it all about, Alphie. Cool write, brother. Rain..

[Nicole (Carpe Diem)]

oh robert, what can i say, this is a great piece of writing... the way you put it all together is amazing...
great job!

[Solst Rapture]

Tears are all I am offering now. When the music started, a few words in, I was carved open. I felt butchered.

I understand.

[Lucinda Bogart]

Wow. First thing....the image totally delivered the punch line. As if I wasn't already feeling the black and blue ache from the beaten-up beat down. The words really knocked him around. So much so that I feel compelled to say JUST BE. A heart that wants to be more is already on the journey.

Compelling..

[Jenny Davis]

Robert, this is soo relatable. But I really don't think you give yourself enough credit...those wounds are a part of you and yes at times it is painful, but they are what makes YOU you. And I wouldn't want it any other way, you are a GREAT person with so much love and insight to offer. NEVER give up, hun. This piece is amazing. Thank you for baring your soul...Rock on :)

[Gary H]

Very powerful. I like the cigarette glowing image - thats really haunting and adds darkness to the write. I'm thinking that you don't need 'hasn't changed'- the third line in the second stanza. I've read this a few times now and I struggle with that line. I think that part is fine without it and adds more of a poetic feel. Just a thought. Oh, and the picture at the top has vanished and the first word been moved. Guessing this is not an intention of yours?

Think the song fits. I think the poem fits in with your other pieces really well.

[Mr. Deft Diction]

Abso-f*****g-lutely GREAT, man!

We have those days, don't we? When you're running late for the train, and a car has drenched you w/dirty water as he speeds by. Your girlfriend dumps you over the phone, somebody steals your lunch out of the refrigerator at work and the barber messed up your hair, setting you back tremendously for your date!

Then tomorrow comes....giving us new hope.

Excellent scribe!

[An Ordinary Woman]

It's so hard these days- I feel so much in my heart when my friends are hurting. I'm so sorry.

I can and do understand, hell I've spent the majority of my own life just living without a true purpose or understanding and I feel like I'm sooo close but it hasn't been an easy battle. Sometimes I feel like givin' up too. Not as in suicide but as in "why bother tryin anymore" it gets so overwhelming sometimes and then something happens and I know I cannot give up. and that I never will. I can't give up the good fight no matter what.

This is an excellent write as always and the music you chose is perfect.

Your in my thoughts, huggs my friend...

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Yes full of raw emotions as someone struggles with why they always hurt the ones they love, the look in the mirror only brings more reminders of what a emotion monster they are... marvelous work.