Just Can't Get Right

My feelings as of lately, about myself and my searching to better myself. Trying to find my calling in life. Hope you enjoy

Driving all night
Wanting to see the sunrise
Before it’s too late
Needing to feel the relief of a new day 

in a new place
new chance to get it right
Looking into a rear view mirror
Seeing these eyes peer back at me
empty and lost
I break down and cry

knowing they belong to me

These open wounds into a battered soul

I awake to find it was only a dream
The reality that awaits
hasn’t changed
There is no escape for me
I feel so alone
trapped
A prisoner to my life
Why can’t I get it right
I pray day after day
For understanding why must I feel this way
Doesn’t seem the beings in the stars are listening
Turning a deaf ear to my cries
Gazing upon me with blind eyed stares

I roll out of bed, hating this man I am
Light a cigarette as the cold red glow
frames the dark shadows of my face
Choking back my rage
Self-loathing thoughts
Why can’t I be more

Loop’s in my head
Taking a deep drag
allowing the fire to rest in my lungs
So I know I can still feel

Looking to the floor

Knowing it holds a shallow grave

for the stranger I have become

 

Once again I start the continued death march

Known as my day

My stomach in knots

At the very thought

of one more day

Suffocating in the very air I breath

 

Emptiness fills me

As I look into the mirror

Fighting back my tears

I want to just break down and cry

Seeing this near lifeless form standing there

Numb

A void breeding within me

Longing to be filled

To have a purpose or meaning

I just can’t seem to find my escape

I just can’t seem to get it right

Today or ever

Pressing my hand to the mirror

Hoping in some way

To find the answers I’ve prayed

standing there right in front of me

Wishing I knew the key

To unlocking a better me

 

Reviews

[R J Askew]

Strong stuff. Raw emotion. Paints a clear picture of anguish and yearning for some indefineable otherness of self. A psychiatrist might search for chemical imbalances or some such, or put analyse the crap out of you over a thousand hours. But it just seems like you want to feel valued for something in you. This seems like a basic human need. You capture it with precision and I think zillions of people will identify with such moments of self-doubt. I don't think such feels are wrong or bad and I definitely DO NOT think they need curing in any way. I think they are an essential part of being human. Without such instinctive drives how would we ever achieve anything? You write great poetry which chimes with people. Strikes me that such positve creative action is a key to a better person for all who are lucky enough to be able to do it. Imagine the frustration of having the feelings you describe here and not being able to nail them to the page.

[Star Shaped Heart]

the more i read of your poetry the more i weep inside and my longing heart aches... everything just so explains everything. words ive been needing to obtain... and reading i know He's heard me but now where do i go in this life that i lead... hopefully some place on the otherside where the grass is green... where is the Lord taking me, how to fulfill this calling???

[SM Davis]

Wow! Now that I've had some time (so sorry it's taken so long...) I have to say that there is a reason that I have not read it until now. e.e. cummings wrote:

how fortunate are you and i,whose home
is timelessness:we who have wandered down
from fragrant mountains of eternal now

to frolic in such mysteries as birth
and death a day(or maybe even less)


I have experienced in my life yet another senseless suicide...so your words here, though written so long ago have touched me in a way that I cannot find words for. A week ago I may have said to this...WOW, HOW MUCH CAN I RELATE TO THIS! However, today, I must say that my reaction is that if ever there is a day that you are feeling without hope (you meaning anyone) you must look into that mirror and find reasons to love the person inside the reflection. I am mourning the loss of life for a friend, however, even more profoundly I have deep sorrow for the suffering that is left behind the hopelessness.

[Lyrical Love]

I'll never do that again...read the previous review.LOL Makes ya' wanna say DITTO!!! However, I can't express the feelings stirred in me while reading this. IT IS THE STRUGGLE THAT WE ALL HAVE IN WANTING TO DO BETTER, BE BETTER, & LIVE BETTER. Thank you for this pleasure-in knowing once again that I am not alone in my daily struggles.

[Brianna Brie]

Intense, raw, powerful...if one lives long enough, a day will come when all of these feelings expressed here will become real. A need for a better you is portrayed nicely here. The below lines sound like mental tapes put there by other peoples words through out life are being played over and over again. You capture the essence of being human.

Why can't I be more
Loop's in my head

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

As always you put the strong and raw emotions of you into every piece you write. And trust me I know the emotions you've been feeling lately because I've been going through it myself. Nicely done, Robert.

[Tamme]

This is the fifth time I have sat down to review this. I keep getting interrupted. *and the phone rings again* LOL. Anyway, this is an awesome vent full of emotion and questioning. I like it. I think a lot of people find themselves in this situation and it's a truly frustrating time. I hope writing this helped you let go some of the steam and maybe clear your mind so you can make the best choices for you.

[Ladysue]

Oh Robert, this was a very powerful read that stirs up a myriad of emotions. Like Ron, said, you captured this with precision and raw emotions which fills the page and makes the reader feel like they are walking in your shoes. I think many people will relate to this type of moment. Robert I feel your frustration, and I just want to tell you are such a wonderful human being. A extremely poignant piece, Robert!

[The Outlaws' Song]

Really really row emotionsThis is heavy stuff to digest!! I love it!! It's so deep and so real.And you painted it so well..I have been looking for that key all my life...Friends, family, society..they all, at some point in time, show you that you're not good enough...that there's room for a better you and they forget to value you for what you already are.
A canvas painted with row sadness, disappointment and also with a shade of hope!!!

Wonderful!

"A void breeding within me

Longing to be filled

To have a purpose or meaning

I just can't seem to find my escape

I just can't seem to get it right

Today or ever

Pressing my hand to the mirror

Hoping in some way

To find the answers I've prayed

standing there right in front of me

Wishing I knew the key

To unlocking a better me"

I especially loved these lines:)

[Candle in the wind]

Wishing I knew the key

To unlocking a better me...Oh god Robert this is what I wish too. I am speechless after reading your poem. When you never seem to get it right that eats into you

[Annalisa]

I can't say this is lovely, because it doesn't make me feel lovely but it is a good poem. and sadly something that I think everyone has felt at one point or another in their life, in fact I'm there right now. There were two small changes that I saw, and they're below.... but this was amazing. Great work as always.

"Seeing these eyes peer back me"----to---->"Seeing these eyes peer back at me"

"I want to just break down and cry".............This line is too cliche, and the poem work beautifully if you just take it out, its unnecessary and redundant... think about cutting it out.

Anyway, before I said that this is something that everyone can relate to, and there are some truly beautiful lines that reached out to me in this piece... They're below... sorry I kinda mangled them together but they're beautiful in a self-deprecating sort of way...

"A prisoner to my life
Why can't I get it right
...I roll out of bed, hating this man I am
Light a cigarette as the cold red glow
frames the dark shadows of my face
Choking back my rage
Taking a deep drag
allowing the fire to rest in my lungs
So I know I can still feel
Looking to the floor
Knowing it holds a shallow grave
for the stranger I have become
Self-loathing thoughts
Why can't I be more
Loop's in my head
...Wishing I knew the key
To unlocking a better me"