A Life's Journey

Take my hand and follow me

Allow me to take you on a ride

Be patient with sorrow

Listen to my trembling voice

 

She was my love, my life

We wed only after a year

She made me better

She made me whole

 

We found out she was pregnant

Then the bliss did end

Our son became our angel

Straight to Heaven he went

 

Then came the tears

Then came the doubt

Then came the pain

Then came the darkness

 

Alone we wandered aimlessly

Drifting far apart

Talking about the weather

Never about the pain

 

Eventually we found each other

We jumped in each other’s arms

Nestled back home

Together but not whole

 

We tried to rekindle the flame

But the past was long ago

The pain still too real

Forgiveness too slow

 

We stayed but drifted deeper into the abyss

The darkness swallowing us whole

We lost ourselves in misery

We lost hope

 

Now we linger

Like ghosts in a haunted house

Here but invisible

Heard but not felt

 

The tale still being written

The end is oh so clear

Two hearts in need of one another

Two minds too stubborn to start

Reviews

[barleygirl]

WOW! WOW! And WOW! This is the most heartfelt & uninhibited that I've seen your writing to be, so far in the things I've read of yours. It feels like you're paying more attention to conveying the power of how it feels, rather than worrying about choosing words or creating a certain poetic form. You've done a great job of painting a stark story in words, keeping it simple & relatable. The pacing of this "life journey" is just right, not too brief & not too drawn out. The ending of uncertainty works really well.

[Ruth]

You have sketched life in a most potent and visceral tone...wow...moved me deeply :)

[JBoone]

Thank you very much. I appreciate it.

[V]

A sad and heartfelt content. When grief drifts two people apart instead of bringing them together even closer...Sadly, it's often like this. It's maybe the way they mourn; when done differently, it causes a certain distance. There's still this slight hope in your last stanzas that makes it a dull, hurtful topic. I think you do them well, the rather sad and negative ones, though when it comes to structure, there are still lines to be improved, to smoothened to keep the flow but honestly, I hate to critique poems with such triste content (especially when I sense they'd be based on personal experiences).

[JBoone]

Thank you. This is very personal and very raw. I appreciate your reveiw and honest feedback.

[V]

I sensed that. You're welcome.

[GalaxyGhost]

This is the best piece of writing you have done so far! I love it, especially the second to last stanza using the metaphor for ghosts and haunting. It's fantastic and I just enjoyed this! I hope you write more like this as it is the best so far!

[JBoone]

Thank you very much. I appreciate it.