The Rise of Big Rob

Short Story

There were shot fired all around me.  I was surrounded.  My back-up was nowhere in sight.  I had no clear path out.  I had one magazine left, 15 shots in my M9 pistol.  I needed some good luck.  I needed a miracle. 

 

I controlled my breathing and started to focus on making a plan to get out of here.  I scanned the warehouse and looked for an exit.  Everything was covered and I was pinned down.  I couldn’t return fire, and I couldn’t move to a better position.  I am going to die.  I need to go out like the man I am.  I was going to go for it.

 

I stood up, made a run for the nearest exit while capping off rounds.  My first shot was to put their heads down, but then I started shooting to kill.  I killed five guys who blocked my exit.  I ended up taking two in the leg and one in the arm; I make it the door.  As I crawled out the door I have a clean shot on a gas tank that is sitting outside the warehouse, and I put two rounds in it.  The tank explodes and catches the warehouse on fire.  I crawl to my car as the warehouse burns down. 

 

I am breathing like I just ran a marathon.  I try to get calm and my thought is: I know I can’t go the hospital.  I only have one other option, one of Don Paul Bataglia’s safe houses.  Paul Bataglia is the Don of New York.  He runs drugs, prostitution, money laundering, racketeering, and has every big city official in his back pocket.  The mayor, the police commissioner, and many judges are his friends.  He can do no wrong.  The poor inner city kids worship him.  He is a man of the people.  He is the boss of bosses.

 

When I got the safe house there was a doctor present patching up guys from other jobs.  I pass out right in the door way.  I find out later they took me right in for surgery and that they pumped me full of a lot of blood.  I almost bleed to death.  I didn’t come-to till the next day.  When I do come-to I am hooked up to every machine possible.  The first person I see is Don Bataglia. 

 

He gives me a big smile and speaks, “Big Rob, you had us worried.  I am glad you are awake.  You did me and the family a great service.  Taking care of that situation at the warehouse for us will never be forgotten.”  He hands me an envelope filled with $100 bills.  He shakes my hand and leaves.

                   

A month ago I was in my apartment minding my business.  I heard a lot of yelling and screaming, and looked outside my window.  Five older, well-dressed men were arguing in a strange language.  One of them pulls a gun and shoots the other four.  He places the gun down and walks away.  In an hour the place was covered with cops.  Two cops came to my door and asked me questions.  I know the routine; I saw nothing, I heard nothing, and I am saying nothing.  The shooter turned out to be Don Bataglia.  He heard about my loyalty and gave me a job.

 

As you can guess that lead me to the warehouse.  The idea was for me and five other guys to store drugs and guns in the warehouse.  Bataglia owned it.  When we got there and started unloading twenty-five plus guys started firing at us.  The five guys I was with ran off.  I was able to get out, kill five guys, and destroy the drugs and guns so they didn’t fall in the wrong hands.  Not perfect but considering my guys left me, I made the most of it.  Don Bataglia knew it, and rewarded me.  The other five were captured, tortured, and killed by Bataglia’s guys.

 

The Don made me his guy running numbers at the race track.  I knew nothing about horses but I could read the betting line.  More importantly, I had no problem breaking a jambroni’s leg who couldn’t pay his debt.  I enjoyed it.  I learned quickly to commit everything to memory.  No paper.  No proof. 

 

I gave everyone one chance.  If they didn’t pay on-time I gave them one more week.  After that week I found them, demanded payment, and if they couldn’t pay in full I would break something.  I enjoyed the hands.  The crunching sound always excited me.  Legs didn’t crunch the same, and the person couldn’t work.  I didn’t care but I wanted the money.  If they didn’t pay the next week, I killed them; Don’s orders.  The killing was always in public and it was always bloody.  The bigger the spectacle, the better it was for the Don.  He wanted lots of cops and lots of media.  He wanted everyone to know that he ordered it.  Everyone needed to know not to steal from us.  I was loving life. 

 

I had arrived.

Reviews

[Justme0786]

Love the beginning! You really y take us into the action, and you make us readers feel as if we are there. You show us the character's thought process, and you hint at us as well. I really like it overall ad I think tat its accurate in its intent as well. The message is very nice as well. Overall I would have to say that i like it very much!

[V]

An entertaining short story again, I also like the sequel; the one I'd read before. But I still wonder what you're doing to the tenses, you mix up past and present, I am worried that I undergo a time shift while reading ;) Also, the line:"As you can guess"reads off, doesn't match the overall nice flow of the story, it sort of breaks your storytelling habit. Other than that, I like your stories (in general)

[Coyote Poetry]

Amazing tale. You create good character and story line. I liked how he enjoyed his job. You gave enough description to make the character interesting and the story worthwhile. Thank you for sharing the excellent story.
Coyote

[JBoone]

Thank you and I appreciate it.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[Matching Socks]

Hi JBoone, a good story. Too short. I really think you could take us on more adventures with these characters. :)

If I may respectfully offer a critique...

A proof read and a spell check are always a good idea. There were a few spots where you missed words.
Also, you jumped between present and past tense a fair bit within the same breath.

For example:

I stood up, made a run for the nearest exit while capping off rounds. My first shot was to put their heads down, but then I started shooting to kill. I killed five guys who blocked my exit. I ended up taking two in the leg and one in the arm; (past tense until now) I make it the door (present tense - change this to "I made it to the door").

As I crawled out the door I have (change have to had) a clean shot on a gas tank that is sitting outside the warehouse, and I put two rounds in it. The tank explodes and catches the warehouse on fire. I crawl to my car as the warehouse burns down. (you get the idea...)

I think you've got a great foundation for a story here. The past/present thing can be a bit distracting when reading longer pieces. A friend here gave me the same advice when I started writing because I did a lot of this and it's been a very valuable piece of advice so I wanted to pass it on with the best of intentions and wish you the best with your writing.

[JBoone]

Thank you. Very appreciative. I will work on that for sure.

[Robert Filos]

good stuff i don't read much anymore, spent 50 years reading, now I'm a writin'..like the old blues man said.."it's in me and it's gotta come out"

[Shy Joe]

I like it. My only complaint is some times I could not tell if it was past tense or right in the moment. The second paragraph has the sentence "I am going to die." There was a lot of past tense in the paragraph but that sentence is right in the moment. Good job on painting a picture.

[JBoone]

Thank you.

[barleygirl]

This is very well written. I am so against war & violence, I will stop watching a movie or show, the minute guns start blazing, so it's saying something that I read this all the way thru. Your explanations are matter-of-fact, not overly bad-a*s or dramatic. The fingers cracking was just the right amount of gruesome & actually the highlight of the piece, demonstrating the character of the narrator.

[JBoone]

Thank you so much.

[GreenShoes]

Wow, what a great story, and so well-written! My husband doesn't care about writing sites, but he does enjoy stories and movies like this, so maybe he'll take a look. I know I enjoyed it! :)))

[JBoone]

Thank you for reading. I am glad you enjoyed it.