River as love

 

How deep is your river

The one that flows through your soul

and onward carrying you towards

Your goals

 

I have a sense of what it is

And I see in you like a kid

With eyes of wonder and joy

Dreaming of swimming upon its waters and diving into

its depths

 

How deep is your river

The one behind your eyes

Churning with emotion and

Hiding your devotion

Which seems forever in disguise

 

I want to dive in

Lacking the feeling of sin

Deep in to your soul

Where it seems you allow so few to go

If you allow me

Prompting us to become a we

 

Don’t be afraid my love

Of exposing me to your watercourse

Or the feelings that will be cultivated

Within the channel of your spirit

As I swim within it

 

I’m only here to reflect

What it is you have to offer

So we can flow freely into each others

Ever after

 

How deep is your river

Hiding behind your smile

Waiting for my lips to touch upon its waters

Wherein it will drain into the bowl of ours

And exchange our emotions

In a classical devotion of carnal motion

 

Reviews

[Moi]

I liked this. I, myself, would've just tweaked a couple of things. Nothing to ruin the beautiful extended metaphor. Even though the idea of the poem is comparing love to a river, flow is a little difficult at some points without punctuation. Not that periods and commas are always neccessary, and in some cases the hints of rhyme helped direct the reader. However with every line starting with a capitalized letter and lacking some kind of punctuation made things hard to follow. Over all it was a wonderful poem, with a beautiful sentiment. I hope you'll consider my nit-picking, and see if it improves the poems ability to carry forward that sentiment.