Meaning?

A lost love prompts an introspective analysis

 

Some of the days the feeling of being here breathing this air makes my life seem so unimportant. And not only my life but all humans lives. What have we done that makes us believe with such a self righteous aura that our lives are meaningful or more importantly have any meaning whatsoever? The Matrix movie trilogy is but one example of how I believe most Americans stumble through their lives. Blind would simply sum up the answer to how people are portrayed when they are in The Matrix.  Simply blind and numb is how I feel most people relate. Love was the one belief that being, living and breathing; the trilogy portrayed as a definition of meaning in our lives. I have loved and been loved but I have also realized that love is a hopeless thing to hold unto. It comforts all your fears and helps people create meaning but then brings them all back to you as you come to realize that our predominate me first society attitudes don’t allow for everlasting love to become attainable anymore. Eventually all our loved counterparts, friends or lovers, somehow always fade away. Granted this is a very extremist viewpoint and very pessimistic as well, but it is one that has consumed me when I find that my life has had very little meaning in the grand scheme of things. I can say that generally I do things that bring happiness to my life but happiness alone doesn’t seem to outweigh the idea that just because I am happy means that my life has any meaning beyond being granted this wonderful opportunity to have cognitive thought. 

 

As I walk up the side of the mountain I fell the breaths burn my lungs and it is then that meaning seems to come into me again. I am not here to earn an income and become socially accepted. I am just here breathing and in awe of how others fail to see that working, procreating like rats and following a general mind numbing mold, in a path as wide as the pacific, towards an unknown end, actually means nothing more than we are as stupid as the world we as humans claim to rule. Or shall I say destroy? The deep breaths create a lasting burn that reminds me how calm my soul feels as each one leaves its mark. The earth of tundra and shale beneath my feet have more meaning then I could ever identify with and being alone with it also breaths a calm into me. The blue Colorado sky hovers overhead and shines light upon me. I feel so alone. I feel so alive. I want nothing more.