The Mortal Tree

A random, rambling poem which I wrote in free verse. Not sure if it's any good but I wrote it about my uncle, who was like a father to me. He sadly passed away 6 years ago.

Your face gazes up at me, etched upon it an eternal smile.

Closing my eyes, I envisage the many tears shed over you

And I paint a river, down which cascades love and happy memories.

I wonder if this river nourishes the soil where your dust was laid to dust.

Will its current take me to the grassy embankment where the Mortal Tree grows?

Will you be perched on a branch, laughing and waving, ripe and ready to be plucked?

I open my eyes and even though this much craved vision dies, I smile

For even though the Mortal Tree will never exist and you shall never return,

You still live on in my memories, in my heart…in me and those who loved you.

Author's Note

It's my first non-rhyming poem in a few years so excuse it if it's bad.

Reviews

[TadKent]

This is gorgeous. So bittersweet and deep, with a longing so pure, somehow paired with a soft contentedness. Truly beautiful. :)

[Jaco (Jaik Miller)]

I like you're style. It's strange AND LUCKY i stumbled upon this one because i was thinking about preserved happy memories in my head of someone who no longer represents happiness in my life.
Anyhoo....VERY GOOD!

[ivizarx]

For a first, it's not that bad I must say... impressive for a first try, I applaud you ^_^ but since your an English lit student, I'm taking a wild guess to say you know of kennings, alliterative verse, and etc right? if doesn't have end rhyme doesn't mean there's nothing else to use... possibly try researching other techniques and see where that leads you ;) and no worries, I also tend to get bored of referring to end-rhyme too..
this poem itself though is a good concept of having those dear to you return, I truly enjoyed it and thanks for the read... I hope to see more from you.

one more thing to add though, just a lil recommendation: when writing free verse or spoken word, try to read it over in your head and make sure it sounds like it has a steady pace or beat, it tends to make that genre of poetry shine :) kinda like the sound of a drummer refers to with the same tempo/timing throughout a song... I hope this helps.

[....]

This is amazing, & beuatiful makes one ponder.

[Creepy Swine Guy]

You've a wonderful talent with words. So many writers try to be so grand with their words that you cannot follow them. No so you Jazz. Your words are elegant and they tel me a wonderful story. The only tweak that I might entertain is in line three. I might consider replacing the first three words with ... "They feed"

Oh and I hold out hope that we will see our loved ones again.