Compose Applause

#Revised free write inspired by Chopin's Nocturne Op9 No2 Eflat Major Andante

Withered
and misplaced
my fingers
curl and reach
filthy.
Shining with
some kind of
stick
Pale and thin
Feminine
Untrimmed

diamond-ringed.
the piano takes the lead
Lightly
and bold.
My bones
so cold under me
Raised,
my skin,
like scales
amidst my blueish, yellow
nails
Repent for the music again,
a pattern begins..
Soft keys freeze
on their highest peaks
up,
and like
melting ice descend

All aside the dance
of the left and
low hand

The Cat
Hotblooded
in my lap.
Light my cigarette
Adjusting my feet
-I sat-
My boots
and chains
upset atop the hollow
wood floor.
Hovering in Minor.
Rapturing
dark chords.

Thankful for the
Wild One's courtship
through this Cavern-Like
cold

Nocturne
fluttering
souls.




As deafly
or muted
as
can be..
Or
 
freed
on my own accord.
from the onlook
of frosty iron bars
A note is skipped

and made up for.
 

An alumni
to greater beauty
these few words
how the smoke seems to dance in the light
Raptured
by the atmosphere
And the not so dirty hands
twinkle
more like an enigma of
contrasting affinities
seen
through the eyes of the Important
beings

Into the begins of an end
whilst the night claims them..

and as my claws pry the keys for
an according
portrayal.

All through the
Andante
til now I create the last tune's

UPHEAVAL.

Author's Note

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSa1rF_g7ec

Reviews

[w]

You have a way with words, there is no doubt about that. Too much break is just as bad as not enough. Combine some words to form fluid phrases and (again) watch your capitalization (needs work) and punctuation (which is good here). I hope my words help and do not frustrate. Wonderful for putting pen to paper. This is what I live for: raw and unadulterated, then refined and perfect.

[Jazmen]

My capitalization or lack thereof is in most cases part of the arrangement of the idea. I like that about poetry, in my opinion punctuation and grammar are most times pretty damn moot. We make up words, we apostrophe to add character, I play with commas and periods
and leave a letter lowercase after a period,
capitalize the first letter in 4 words in a row.. it's just my style, I need not "work" on it because I'm surely not a moron and I do know how to write in proper English, you know. It's hard to fix because I believe it's rightly written..
The spaces, I do agree, I write it that way as I said to Maidahl because I believe it adds more focus to the words as opposed to scanning. As I sometimes do with poems.
Each word is supposed to be there. It helps me focus, and I suppose I just believe it would help EVERYONE focus, this is not the case and I can understand why, so I thank you for your critique. I fixed some, but again, they are there for my own reasons, but I'll try to be less fruitful with the Enter button, I've revised this poem in that way now. Thanks for reading.

[w]

I also break the rules of grammar, but I felt some of them didn't fit. The writer is important, but they are nothing without the reader. It has taken me a long time to learn that. I don't edit my pieces much, but I appreciate others input so I can keep it in mind for future pieces.

[Jazmen]

I really don't like that idea.. is that how you write your poetry? Thinking of the reader more than your own self? That, to me, is hideous.
Sure I do think of the reader, because surely there is a message I'm trying to illustrate, but the reader never comes before what I am trying to say. I may even TALK about the reader in some pieces, but I'm more likely to focus on my thoughts and my beliefs and less on what the critic will say.
I don't really care what you do instead.. I'm just telling you that I disagree with you entirely.. the writer is the most important person when it comes to writing poetry..
I half expect you to try to tell me that the painter is less important than the person walking through an art gallery. Because the most important thing is to be accepted? The whole entire thought process in this, is it all based on the judgment of others being the most important thing in art? Is it for popularity or is it for gifts of compliments and/or cash?
I took 3 days to reply because I noticed you said it to a couple other people in the meantime. And one more thing; your seemingly passive comment above "I appreciate others input so I can keep it in mind for future pieces" Well s**t, son, I think you're on to something.. constructive criticism is awesome. especially when you find a worthwhile opinion.
bleh.
I'm done thinking about this now.

[w]

Never meant to offend you. If you write for you, then your theory is sound. I am a professional writer, I have to think of my audience, maybe not first, but I would not be paid if I didn't think of them. I do write for myself and those pieces I do not share with others very often, if at all as there is no reason to share them unless I need assistance on editing or something.

[zainul]

I enjoy your nice poem.
I can't recommend anything for editing this piece as I am not an expert.
However,I feel there are a lot of experts around us.
Cheers!