PART 2: Defintions

One of the joys to an office job is that most of the time everyone’s too busy to notice you, the down side is that news spreads like fire. If one person hears anything slightly interesting it’s not long before the person in the next cubicle knows…and if the coffee lady finds out, then well your doomed and the secret becomes the news headlines. I wasn’t ready for the coffee lady yet, no today wasn’t going to be doom day.

 So I sat at my desk and shuffled through papers, boring papers with no real meaning but:

‘…I’m afraid you owe…’

‘...your bankrupt…’

‘…the bank…’

‘…the loan…’

They were all the same; figures, complicated wording and bad news.

Bad news…

 

A few days ago that wouldn’t have meant all that much to me and if you look in the dictionary under the word ‘bad’ you find a string of other words like;

Not good, defective, worthless, unsatisfactory, poor, below standard, inadequate, incorrect, faulty, not valid, not sound, unfavourable, ill, sick, regretful, contrite, sorry, upset, unfortunate, offensive, disagreeable, painful, severe, rotten, decayed….

But today it had a new meaning that no words exist to be able to explain and it caused me to sit at my desk and just stare at the wall, my whole body frozen…everything reminded me of her…the pen and paper, my laptop, the photo of us holding hands at some function…God she was amazing.

Was amazing? She IS amazing and always will be and may it forever be written on her tombstone:

CLAIRE ‘AMAZING’ BERSTON

1975-2006

Loved and missed by many.

I sighed. On her tombstone…

 

Why Claire, of all the people in the world? She cared so much about so many things. Every night she would come home and tell me tales of the poor, suffering and homeless and how she planned to tackle the government ‘head on’, about wars and the children of Africa…and above all at the end of a long day she still had enough love in that big heart of hers to care about me…its not fair! She had just started to make a difference in the world and then she is taken away…

I felt myself starting to break down again, tears building up ready to fall with a blink or even sooner without any help. And then my brain went buzzing; it cursed, it hated, it yelled it cried…but then one lonely thought made its way through the mess;

Her life is worth celebrating, stop hating.

That’s when a louder statement roared so loudly I found myself saying it;

“I WILL NOT SWALLOW.”

“If you won’t swallow then how are you going to drink your coffee?”

The voice from behind startled me, I swear I felt myself rise from my seat, and the whirlpool of thoughts instantly calm.

“Wha-”

I turned around to see her there innocently but at the same time suspicious-I could see it in her eyes. It was the coffee lady and if I didn’t know any better I’d say she could read minds.

“What did you say,” I said finishing my sentence.

“I said if you won’t swallow then how are you going to drink your coffee?” she repeated with a smile.

“Oh right, funny...no, err…swallow is like a...um…business term for…failing.”

“Right…” she said, raising her eyebrow and placing the steaming mug on the desk,

“Is everything okay Mr Berston?”

“Perfectly,” I stuttered picking up the cup, hand shaking violently, drops of coffee spilling over the sides…

“…Right well if you ever need someone to talk to…” she stared at me straight in the eyes and reminded me of my mother. This lady cared, sure she was a bit addicted to gossip and things that really are none of her business, but she cared and the creators of ‘Woman’s day’ simply love her. With that I mind I was able to steady myself and take a long sip, a delightful wave of caffeine washing through me, and smile. Seemingly satisfied she left.

 I sighed again, resting my head on my desk. How on earth was I going to get through to today? I haven’t even seen any clients yet.

 

And then they rolled in, clients. Each one of them sitting there talking about their lives, current situation, and what they planned to do in the future and seeing if I had the right advice and answers for them to get there. They were all happy hopefuls all sure of what they wanted, but for me these happy people were torture.

There was an old lady who wanted to make sure there was enough money left in her bank account so she could leave her children with a decent amount in her will, for when she died. There was the couple who were getting married, the lady moving in with her boyfriend, and then he came in; the man who went on and on about his amazing wife and the first child they were having together…I couldn't take it any more and burst into tears. There he was in front of me big grin on his face and here I was tears rolling down my face.

“Sir? Are you alright? Is it something I said? Is there a problem with our assets?”

I ignored him and when I came back to reality I found him awkwardly hugging me and offering a glass of water, which was odd really since its usually the other way ‘round…but really at this point I didn't care, I just thanked him and walked out leaving him there unsure how to feel or react as so many clients and people have done to me in the past.

Author's Note

There is a lot to work on, and probably a lot to get rid of and then really just attach this to part one.

Any thoughts are great, but in particular if you could let me know the aspects you think should stay, that would be greatly appreciated.