Free

fighting for life...

Are dreams conveyed perfectly?

When everything desired becomes reality.

If it all made sense to me?

I'd end it all empirically.

Only rain soaked misery,

wont save the world,

can't make a day.

If you can't rescue me,

let me drown,

let me be free.

 

Author's Note

Helping the hopeless is never a lost cause.

Reviews

[Angelheaded Hipster]

I dont think dreams are ever perfect...and such a good line to start off, to draw the reader in. I also dont think life is supposed to make sense. I think that life is chaos, and its up to us to find our own little corner, and build and develop our houses of zen. My place of zen is built with pens, paper, music and friends...whats yours made out of?
I like the last three lines...but why must we always look to another to be our saviour? Perhaps if we looked into ourselves, we find we can save ourselves.

[Dizzy]

My favorite is the last 3 lines. I don't know why but they create a perfect image to me.

[thecoolone52]

i like it, short to the point, the word empirically is a big one......... i think you used it right good job

[TL Boehm]

true words. Nice drawing in your avatar as well. Peace.

[Legion]

I like what you convey within the poem. Nicely articulated with just spots of imagery that make it feel like a flashback of one's own thoughts. I do have a question about your author's note though. If they are truly hopeless, then who are we truly helping. Themselves or ourselves? Do we do it hoping that they aren't truly hopeless or do we do it because it makes ourselves feel worthy or good? Something to think about.

[nostal]

Let me be free.

Perfect end.

[Michael X]

wow it is definitely better. i am amazed by what a difference it reads, but it really takes alot of effort to figure out what u r sayin. as far as the meaning, if you could srp away a layer of metaphor it would really reveal whats underneath, much better job, let me know if you revise

[Michael X]

i dont get it because, it lacks punctuation, some poems dont need any, this does, imo. and the capital lettering isnt justified. i would like to read this written basically. with spacing as well, let me know if u revise it, 100/100 for the length, i liked the length.

[Aiza]

i really like this poem.

"If you can't rescue me
Let me drown
Let me be free"

this small section really struck me,
i think sometimes it would be nice to stop being 'saved'

thanks for sharing =)